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Throwback Write-Up #20: NB Ridaz - NB RIdaz.com

2020.09.17 12:31 CaptainGordan Throwback Write-Up #20: NB Ridaz - NB RIdaz.com

Artist: NB Ridaz
Album: NB Ridaz.com
Label: Upstairs Records
Released: April 4th, 2004
Background
NB Ridaz, formally known as Nastyboy Klick, are a Hip Hop/R&B group out of Phoenix Arizona. Started by MC Magic, the group became popular locally by selling their CDs at swap meets and making personalized songs of their hits for people. They dropped two albums under the Nastyboy Klick moniker, one of which had one of their most successful singles with “Lost In Love”. Their debut also had the hit “Down For Yours” featuring Roger Troutman, who laid down the chorus with his signature talkbox singing. That sound would become a staple in NB Ridaz’s future hits. With the name officially change to NB Ridaz, they dropped Invasion in 2001, with the hit song “Runaway” In 2004 they dropped NB Ridaz.com, their most successful album to date, spawning hits like “Notice Me” “So Fly” and “Pretty Girl”. The influence Roger Troutman had instilled on the group’s sound is especially prominent here, with the talkbox chorus on “Wishin on a Star” and “Pretty Girl” This album also served to promote their website NBRidaz.com, where they sold merchandise and promoted their personalized songs that fans can put requests for. Although the site is no longer active you are able to see remnants of the site if you use the wayback machine.
Intro
I wanted to preface by saying that the reason I chose this album was because it was huge among Hispanics/Latinos in the US. and in Latin America, but I feel like they are largely unknown to this forum and non-hispanic hip hop listeners. I realized I lived in a bit of a bubble when I overestimated their general popularity on this sub. Living in a large Mexican community, the album and songs like “So Fly” and “Pretty Girl” were inescapable and most girls I went to middle school with including my sister had a crush on MC Magic. I talked about them once in the DD a while back when someone brought up Soulja Boy’s influence by using the internet to blow up and being the supposed first one to really use the internet, and I mentioned how NB Ridaz were using their website to promote personalized songs before Soulja Boy was active, which was then downvoted and followed by a “Who?” response. Anyways after that and testing the waters by posting “Pretty Girl” (which was downvoted), I became aware of that bubble and how the album is not known to the general hip hop audience. To be fair, even when the album was in heavy rotation during release, I noticed it was more popular among girls than dudes, and this sub/website isn’t exactly known for their demographics in the women department.
Review
One thing about this album is that almost every single song has to do with love or intimacy, whether that be the pursuit and wooing of a new partner, cultivating and strengthening of relationships, or lamenting of past relations, probably why it was more popular with girls than dude.
The album kicks off with a forgettable intro followed by U Got Me Hot, which is just a fun song about meeting women at the club and a good track to kick off the album.
Now she was rockin hot jeans
Low-cut baby tee
Hotter than the Fourth of July in A Z
I mean I'm trippin, I couldn't even think
Booty so thick she can hold two drinks
Next is Pretty Girl. Though it wasn’t the leading single on the album, it is probably the most popular song from this album after Notice Me. With a smooth beat reminiscent of 90’s G-Funk, and a chorus and verses backed up by the talkbox singing that they picked up from Roger Troutman, this song has everything that makes it both timeless and a callback to the group’s roots. My favorite part has to be MC Magic’s verse, as he blesses us by alternating his rhymes between English and Spanish seamlessly.
Si tu supieras lo que siento
Cada vez
Que me pongo a pensar en todos los momentos
All the good times we've had, me and you, you and I
Hot summer nights, making love in July
The only girl that didn't give it on the first night
Una mujer incomparable, Imma love her life
After Pretty Girl and, the album transitions to its raunchier side with the lead single So Fly. One small detail I always liked about this song is that each member comes in with a short intro setup before their verse starts, with Zig Zag and MC Magic singing their first lines before rapping, and the DJ Scratching on the beginning of Dos’s verse, I thought it was a pretty neat touch. Zig Zag’s verse is iconic too and etched in my childhood since my sister had this song on loop on her boombox.
I know, I been on the road and away from home
But I been fiendin' for you
Dreaming of you
And what I'm gonna do when I have you alone
You heard the message
On your cellphone, me sayin' "Daddy's home"
I'm about to put it down, got you runnin' around
Half-naked around the house
And this isn't just fast sex
We makin' love until we both climax
Next up Tu Eres, a love ballad sung entirely in Spanish. The lines are a bit cheesy, but since it’s a love ballad it’s expected. If you get serious with a Latina who’s in her late 20’s/early 30’s, you’ll get bonus points if you play this for her.
Despertando una manana pensando en ti
Tus brazos y besos los quiero sentir
Yo te quiero y te amo que haria sin ti?
Un angel que Dios me enviado a mi
On Wishin’, the song revolves around getting hurt by being broken up with by an ex, but still wanting them back. Though it sounds great rapping and beat-wise, and the chorus is nice as hell, it’s my least favorite song on the album on subject matter alone. After that the album gets more upbeat on Playaz. Dope hook, classic beat, and great verses all around where NB Ridaz affiliates 'The Hav Nots' lay down some good verses.
The album then does a 180 with 4-Ever, a song about committing to be with your partner forever. The chorus features singer Angelina combined with the talkbox singing by the NB Ridaz. Though this is one of multiple tracks on the album that feature the talkbox singing chorus, and not even the only one that also features Angelina on the chorus, they still manage to get creative with it. Next up is Notice Me, which was probably the song that got the most radio play in my area and in general. While being the second song that has both Angelina and the talkbox singing chorus, it still manages to sound fresh and change from a theme of commitment to one of simping.
Until I Die is probably my favorite beat on the album, even with dope 90’s West Coast style beats of “Pretty Girl” and “Playaz”. Hearing this makes me wish NB Ridaz experimented more with guitars on their instrumentals. This song is different from the other love songs on the album in that it focuses on growth in partnership, from struggles to sacrifices couples would do for each other. Featured artist and long-time collaborator Big Gemini has a great verse on this as well
I used to say once you're born you're just waiting to die
And every day in between is just a waste of some time
But in time I was convinced that I was far from the truth
Believe it or not I found truth the night I met you
So just know that if there's life after death I'm a wait for you there
To love you forever for real
Sunshine features the same singer (Mary) who did the chorus on U Got Me Hot, and she easily steals the show on this. This song always reminded of a 90’s R&B ballad, and probably the only song on the album where I think Dos had the best verse. .
Not once not twice but your three times a lady
The comfort of your arms got me feeling like your baby
Ill be there for you lets make love in to memories
Your tender touch and your smile always get the best of me
Never let you go or treat you bad ill give you all i have
I belong to you and only you girl i want you bad
Sunshine is followed by the Lil Ridaz skit, just an obnoxious skit of these two little kids breaking into MC Magic’s studio and rapping. Kinda wishing they cut this because it’s not great. The skit leads us into the next song, Bounce If You Wanna, that uses the same beat as the skit. Something weird I found in making this writeup is that not a single lyric website has this song correctly noted, as every site instead has the lyrics to the Lil Ridaz skit. I wanted to highlight Kid Frost’s verse because he was nice and it was iconic to have the first Mexican-American rapper to blow up on an NB Ridaz track. This doesn’t exist anywhere else so I might have mucked a few words
Collar stay popped like champagne bottles, it’s full throttle
That’s the motto, and I spend dough like I won the lotto
Hit trees like there’s no tomorrow
Still spittin hot shit for you to bump in your barrio
Kid Frost, Two fifths of Hennessey
2002 West, go to push and a half ounce of kush
Went triple x, now there’s plenty of bush
Pornstars and strippers get snatched with one look
It’s the Kiddie crook back with them NB Ridaz
O’s and G’s, flippin pounds of keys
On the regular, there’s no competitor
Take it from the editor, back like the predator
Exterminator, Terminator, Violator, Regulator
And I’m way too smooth than them brand new wall of gators
Kid Frost still a boss and I floss on you haters
Fakes and phonies, and all you perpetrators
Southwest Ridaz is up next, and the album is just the group spitting cold hard bars. MC Magic shines as usual and alternate Spanish and English lines like he did on Pretty Girl, except with more hardcore rapping on this track. San Diego’s Mr. Shadow makes an appearance, who was also popular among latino hip hop listeners in the mid 2000’s, but who catered more to the gangster rap crowd.
MC Magic expands on how the group started in the skit Magic’s Custom CDs, where he recounts how his group were able to establish themselves by making personalized CDs for them and advertises how fans can use the website to request their own custom CDs, and as a bonus he even includes an example of a custom song he made using Lost in Love as a basis. The album’s closing track, Guess Who’s Back was always my guilty pleasure as a kid. Borrowing my sister’s CD of this album every now and then, this is the track I always skipped to since at the time I wasn’t feeling like hearing love or heartbreak songs, so this one holds a special place in my heart. With this and Southwest Ridaz, the group made it known they can drop bars when they wanted to and aren’t just a group that coasts on love ballads.
I didn’t mention the Cho and Lo skits, until now, but they are a series of skits on the album that have a radio duo ragging on each other. I used to like their banter when I was in middle school, but I’ve grown out of it since then
Conclusion
As I mentioned before, upon doing my research for my writeup, I found that I overestimated the group’s popularity and my perception of their popularity was warped because of where I and who I grew up with, being from a city on the west coast where there are more Mexicans than any other race. In spite of their popularity among Latinos with songs that have +10 million views on youtube, they never had an album chart on the Billboard 200, and even their most famous songs only peaked close to the bottom of the Billboard 100 charts. In spite of their lack of reach outside the Latino community, this album was huge for those of us who did grow up listening to it.
Questions
For non-Latinos, did you listen to or come across this album while growing up?
In light of NB RIdaz's use of the internet to push their albums as did other artists, do you feel that their practices are overlooked when discussing the history of artists using the internet to sell?
What is your favorite hip hop album by a Latino-American?
Favorite song on NB Ridaz.com?
submitted by CaptainGordan to hiphopheads [link] [comments]


2020.09.13 23:52 ParisG5292003 My (17F) Boyfriend (18M) of Over a Year Lied to me About his Sexual History and I Think it Might be a Dealbreaker

I think my background information is important here. I was brought up in a socially conservative family. While I have never really gone to church, but my parents have always told me that young people, particularly girls, should be coy and abstain from sex. While I think what they told me is a bit archaic, I still internalized it regardless. As a result, my mind drifts to a feeling of judgment when I hear someone has had sex at a young age, especially when they aren’t in love. While I am working on being less judgmental and more accepting, I still struggle with it nonetheless.
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year (been official since May 2019). Our relationship has been great. He is my best friend and I love him. He knows that I’m not ready to have sex yet and has been understanding. Whenever we have talked about it, he says that he feels the same way and would only want to do it with someone really special. I always thought that was sweet and have always felt respected that he has never tried to pressure me into something I’m not ready for.
That’s how I have felt for most of our relationship. But a few weeks ago, something happened that might have changed that. There is a girl in our grade who I am friendly with, but she isn’t one of my good friends. She is the only other girl in my AP Latin class (and it’s been that way since Freshman year) so we have always sat together in it and pair up whenever our teacher has us do group work/group projects. Our teacher had us split into pairs to put together a presentation to explain the grammar of a section of the first book of the Aeneid for a free 100 in the grade book, and I partnered up with this girl. A few weeks ago the two of us were FaceTiming while finishing up the slideshow and after we finished we talked a little bit about gossip we had heard. After, she asked me how things were with my bf and if we had done anything. I told her that both of us wanted to wait. She got really interested in the conversation after I said that and told me that one of her friends from her soccer team (who goes to a different school) briefly dated my bf our Sophomore year and her friend said that they had sex while they were dating.
I didn’t believe her at the time. My bf has never lied to me before. He had told me about that girl before and said they kissed a few times, but that was it. I tried to just ignore it and go on with my life. The thought that he might have lied to me wouldn’t go away though, and a little over a week ago when we were FaceTiming I decided I needed to hear what he had to say about it. I tried to ask him as nonchalantly as possible how far he had gone with that girl. He told me they didn’t go beyond making out. I then told him that I had heard from one of the girl’s friends they had sex and I just wanted to hear the truth. He got all awkward and seemed embarrassed after I said that. He then said that I deserved to know and told me that they did have sex a few times while they were dating. I think he knew it made me uncomfortable, so he tried to make it better by saying it was almost two years ago and he only did it because he wanted to lose his virginity and that he loves me and I obviously mean more to him than that girl ever did. He then said he was really sorry for not telling me about her, but he said he didn’t wanna ruin our relationship. I said we were fine and made up an excuse to get off the call soon after.
Since then things have been awkward and strained, and I am horribly confused. He’s been extra sweet, but it isn’t helping. I can’t help but think about the other girl whenever he hugs on me or kisses me or snuggles up next to me. He’s still the same guy he was before, but things feel different now. Not only has he done something he acts like he would never do, but he omitted that fact for a year. I think I could have gotten over it if he was up front about it, but he wasn’t. I’m mortified I had to find out about it from the girl I sit next to in Latin.
I’ve always been taught that sex is sacred, and I thought he felt the same way. I can’t help but wonder if I should break up with him if I’m struggling this much. It would really suck, but it might be the best thing I can do for the both of us. After all, we’ll be going away for college less than a year from now and we wouldn’t have to see each other ever again. He honestly is a good person. He deserves someone who can get over his past.
On the other hand, I really do love him. Other than something that he did before we ever got together, he’s been a great boyfriend. No one makes me laugh harder than him and I am happy when I’m with him. Since we’ve been together at least, he’s had the same values as me. He’s always treated me with kindness and respect. Maybe it’s something that I can get over with time. Does this one thing warrant throwing away an almost 18 month long, otherwise great and healthy relationship? Can we work through this? Would breaking up with him be the best thing to do?
I can’t really talk to anyone about this because if I confided in my older brothers or sisters, they would get protective and wouldn’t let him get anywhere close to me ever again. I love my friends, but they really like to gossip, and I don’t want it to get back to my bf that I am thinking about breaking up with him. I am really struggling here and any advice would be greatly appreciated.
tl;dr: my boyfriend of over a year had sex with someone before we started dating and I just found out. It makes me feel insecure and confused and I think I might want to break up with him over it, but I’m not certain that’s what I want to do either.
submitted by ParisG5292003 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.11 17:16 panthera_tigris_773 Help understanding DA after breakup/moving on

I'm 40F (AP) and he's 38M (DA) and I broke up with him 2 months ago after a 9 month relationship. This was my first experience with a DA, and it was such a painful roller coaster, because when it was good, it was the best of my life, but when it was bad, it was totally crushing for me. I just learned about AT after the breakup. I am also wondering if some of his behavior was just mean/narcissistic, in addition to DA? This is all torturing me and I'm having trouble moving on.
We met Latin dancing 2 years ago, and spent 3-4 nights a week at class or social dancing. I developed a crush on him, as he was very funny in the same way I am, and we had great chemistry on the dance floor. I heard from a coworker of his that he was single, so I started messaging him on FB, just lightly. He never came to class with any woman, mentioned a girlfriend, or had any photos of a GF/relationship status on FB. I found out about 3 months into messaging him that he had a serious GF. I stayed away for a while and tried to write it off, but I continued to get sucked into this flirtation at dance class. I finally confronted him about 6 months into this, after he asked me to a movie, and asked if he was in a serious relationship. He said he was. I said I thought there was something between us and he said there was but he was with her, so... and ran away awkwardly. I was not going to go to a movie with someone who was in a relationship, with so much chemistry there! There's no way that was only a friendly invite. Again, I stayed away for a while but could not shake the feeling that this person and I really had something special, and that maybe he was with the wrong person. Nothing ever progressed past messaging and flirting, FYI. Another 6 months passed, and I was leaving for a month-long working interview in South Africa (I'm in USA). The night before I left, I was emotional about maybe moving across the world, so I confessed my feelings to him and asked if he felt the same or was still with his GF. If not, I wanted to finally move on. He said he did feel the same and that his GF was actually moving out that month and that they would be separated completely when I got back, and that he would love to talk with me then. I figured he'd want some space during that month, but we messaged all day every day while I was gone--he was super kind, interested in what I was doing, said goodnight and good morning, and was a great source of support for me while I was alone in another country. When I returned, he asked me out and that was the start of this relationship. (I later found out he and his GF had broken up before the time he'd asked me to the movies 6 months prior, but she'd stayed in his house to save up to buy her own place. He claimed they were sleeping in the same bed still, but not having sex. I believed that, for some reason, or at least excused it to myself.)
We had so much fun, we did all kinds of activities together, the sex was amazing, the dancing was amazing, I loved his friends and family, we had tons to talk about, etc. etc. He told me at one point I got him to talk about emotional stuff more than anyone else ever had. He was thrilled to be with me, saying things like "did you ever think we'd be here" and "I remember the first time you came into dance class and what you were wearing, I thought you were so pretty and I really wanted to make you laugh." He would bring me to the airport, he fell asleep holding my hand, I took care of him when he had surgery and when his dog died, etc. etc. I could tell early on that he had a hard time with expressing and deeperelationship conversations--he would go completely silent, as if he were unable to actually get words out. He would struggle and look miserable. I did my best to speak gently and compliment him when he was able to express things. I never came at him accusing and angry or erratic. But I never really felt assured. He would often share insecurities with me, and I shared mine, and I felt like he was fairly well-adjusted. He was insecure about his weight, and had been very shy when he was younger, not a ladies man or anything. We both discussed how shy we were to start partner dancing years before. I felt we understood each other pretty well, and I saw a kindred spirit.
But then things started to emerge that were so baffling at the time: twice we were looking at something together that required bending over close to each other, and he recoiled and said "oh, you're right there," like he was surprised or repelled, and I was thinking "yes, we were just in your bed earlier, closer than this! WTF?" He started to become strangely distant emotionally, treating me like we were acquaintances in a formal way of speaking, or not being able to look at me, or scrolling on his phone for long periods while I was over at his house. He told me "I'm fucked up." He'd make self-deprecating comments that sounded like he clearly had heard them from people before (maybe GFs): "Feelings? what are those? I don't have those;" "I know, I'm just a buzzkill." I always protested and disagreed. He had a weird need for attention from other people, particularly women and children, and you cold see him just sort of gleefully and strangely wanting others to see when he got attention from them. All of his closest friends were female, and he seemed somewhat intimidated by other men, resulting in a lot of arrogance around some of them, and a distancing from me if we were together. The first crack appeared on my 40th birthday when he did nothing but send a text (this was 5 months into dating, spending every weekend together, meeting each other's families). I was devastated, especially after 1) my party was canceled due to Covid and when I told him his indifference hurt me, he did nothing to fix it--no dinner invite, no gift, no nothing; and 2) 2 months earlier, for his birthday, I had thrown a surprise dinner with 9 of his friends and given him a really thoughtful gift (he said no one had ever thrown him a surprise party before and was very thankful). I never got a reason for the lack of birthday effort, he simply said "oh you could have told me what you wanted to do and I would have done it." He refused to call me, even when he was gone for a week skiing, If I called, he would answer and talk for a while. I brought Reese's to his work after he won it from me in a bet, because I thought he might like to enjoy eating it at work, and left it at the front desk for him. He never acknowledged it or thanked me. When I texted him that I was being harassed by some weird old men downtown, and that I was afraid to walk back that way to get to my car, he took 20 minutes to respond and only said "creepy." No anger or concern for my safety.
We had the typical DA/AP dynamic: great, intimate times followed by him distancing and not answering texts, etc. and me trying to hold on, trying to pursue harder. I couldn't understand it, it felt so confusing and hurtful to me, especially since he was never able to say with words "hey I need some space right now." I was never sure where I stood, unless we were together in his house alone, and even then it often felt like he was bored or irritated with me, even though he'd invited me over and told me he liked spending every weekend with me! Then he stopped wanting to do almost anything fun, things he would propose but then back out of, always with an excuse that seemed lame (it's raining, it's too crowded, you'll get cold, etc...) I eventually gave up asking about those activities and our weekend often consisted of hanging out on the couch, napping, having sex and maybe going for a walk, all while he slowly backed away emotionally. It felt like he was barely present so much of the time. But then he'd bring me to his family events, where his family would say "you're going to fit in so well here!" He stopped cleaning his house, he sometimes didn't brush his teeth on the weekends. The more he seemed to be getting depressed or stuck, the more arrogant he got towards me. He said "I have a big ego, and I think it's warranted." WTF?
In May he blew me off when we had plans, pretended we didn't have plans when I called to confront him, and then was like "I need to go mow the lawn" and hung up the phone. I was so mad--my whole day had been wasted waiting for his call. 3 days of silence followed, in which I was spinning out of control on my own (didn't text or call him). I thought things were over, I figured I was being ghosted. I texted once to say "hey, i don't know what's happening but i'd love to know where you're at" and hours later he said "sorry i just saw this text after work." I finally asked if he wanted to meet up and talk. I told him I didn't know what was happening and he said he'd needed space but obviously didn't express that well. He figured I was mad at him so he hadn't said anything. I told him the silence was more painful to me than anything he could have said, and I asked if he thought we could do better at communicating so the other person could understand. He said he did. Nothing changed, though, in fact it got worse. He made almost no effort towards the end, and I felt like we were strangers. I had said I love you in March, but he could never say it. I finally left when he went from "I do want a partner, I've thought about what it would be like to live together, I realize you'd probably want a cat" to "I don't think I ever want to live with anyone again" in the span of 4 months. I knew there was no future the way I wanted it: commitment, partnership, possibly marriage. He knew that's what I wanted. He seemed to want the same for a while. I got very little feedback from him, good or bad, the whole time, unless I asked and then he would say everything was good and that he doesn't do things he's not pretty serious about. He never said "I miss you," "i'm looking forward to seeing you," etc after the first 2 months or so. But he also said it wasn't casual for him and he wasn't seeing/sleeping with anyone else.
There's a lot more, but hopefully you get the idea. I really loved/love him, and am heartbroken when I think about dancing without him. Recently he blocked me from seeing posts or posting on his FB timeline. This threw me for a loop. We haven't spoken since the breakup July 12. I am just deeply sad and wish it had turned out differently. My therapist suggested asking to speak with him, just so I can say what I've learned about my role in this dynamic, how sad I am that we couldn't get it together, and that the goal would be to get to a place where I could be in dance class with him again and even dance with him. Should I do that??
Do you see narcissism in him as well as DA behavior? Was he just a kind of a jerk in addition to being DA? Was he really terrified? Did he care about me in those tender moments, or was it fake? He's been through some trauma, as have I. I thought we'd help each other. I didn't want to walk away but I was trying to protect myself. Would he have committed to me if I gave it more time?
Update: I texted him and said "I miss you. I'd like to talk sometime. Would you?" He answered "sure, we can talk sometime." I thought he wouldn't answer. Now I need to carefully plan what I'm going to say. Why did he respond?
submitted by panthera_tigris_773 to attachment_theory [link] [comments]


2020.09.10 14:39 Robert_de_Saint_Loup Dating in the North is much easier than the South/Sun Belt

If you’re fat or ugly in South Florida or Southern California, good luck.
After all the traveling I have done this summer, I notice how the people in the north are, on average, less focused on beauty.
The majority of things you see regarding nightlife, partying, sex appeal, clubbing, etc... is in the Sun Belt. Stretching from Southern California all the way to South Carolina on the east coast.
Excuse me for saying this but people up north are much more uptight and miserable. The people in the South just have that cheerful optimism and chill attitude whereas people up north tend to have that overly protective and pessimistic attitude. That’s why it’s easier to date over there. You don’t have to have much sex appeal to attract somebody. Being “sexy” isn’t as popular in the North as it is in the South.
I will also argue that men and women in the Sun Belt (and Hawaii) are just on average more attractive. If you’re fat in a sunny place, you don’t get to cover yourself up because it gets hot. Everybody just sees how fat you are. It’s not me being an asshole, it’s science.
You wouldn’t have a Las Vegas or the entertainment industry in Maine or North Dakota. You also have much more beauty pageants in the sun belt. It’s just a tradition. We also border with Mexico and the Caribbean, thus we have more Latin American influence. More of that flex culture than the North.
Plastic surgery is also more common in the South than in the North. This is because since the sun plays a larger role in our lives, we just show more skin. It’s the same reason why people here on average have more tattoos.
Dating up North is easier because people are more open minded towards looks and appearances. They don’t really care as much about beauty as the South.
submitted by Robert_de_Saint_Loup to PurplePillDebate [link] [comments]


2020.09.03 10:26 vicksvaporrub08 Cancel culture in the traditionalist subculture and how I contributed to it [my story]

I would like to apologize for the long post in advance. This is intentionally long. I would like to give as full of a context of my circumstance as I could, so you could see from end-to-end where I am coming from. You may see a lot of inconsistencies in my thought process. For that I will acknowledge the gaps in my logic. But please, do not invalidate my feelings in doing so. This is my experience. This is very emotional to me.
I was trad since around 2017, though how you define trad depends on the type of trad you are talking to. If you look at my profile you would notice that my post history is mostly about the trad lifestyle.
If you want to classify me, I was a diocesan trad. In the beginning of my experience in traditionalism, I was truly happy. My experience with trad liturgy was truly magical. The Traditional Latin Mass I attended in a diocesan parish in Manila was beautiful. I knew there was a God, but I have never counted on the fact that He is beautiful.
You see, I grew up around Novus Ordo culture. My mother was a catechism teacher, a "mother butler," in the campus and in our local Novus Ordo parish. But I did not enjoy the faith at all, as I found the liturgy and the activities cringe. Thus for a short time I was atheist, then I remained nominal for a long ten or fifteen years. After that, I got a good confession, etc etc. Then I'm back in.
Yes, as a trad I was truly happy. I enjoyed trad liturgy, and I enjoyed my new friends. Coming from a secular background I found the perspectives of trads to be absolutely refreshing. The stuffy politically correct atmosphere and general cringe of Filipino urban society was getting into me. As a result I began reading, hanging out with them more. Most everything I am learning about Catholicism was new and mind-blowing to me. Pre-1955 liturgy, rubrics, Roman Martyrology. You name it.
I also got to learn about political ideologies such as Carlism and Integralism. I believed those ideologies too. After all, my government sucks, as many Filipinos attest.
As a trad I am member of several group chats on Facebook, trad Catholic groups, and I regularly browse the chans for trad content. I was also moderator of a major Filipino trad group, along with several admins, all vibrant people from their teens to their thirties. For all their faults and disagreements with me they are wonderful people.
In hindsight I realize that getting my formation from the Internet is a bad idea, and nothing beats the guidance of a trained formator. That's why I joined the Third Order of Carmel in Cubao. Or at least I hung out with the Tertiaries.
As many of us moderators and admins realize, there's at least two "factions" in our local trad group. There's the diocesans, then there's the SSPX goers. There's some tension between those groups. As I found some SSPX positions to be rather a stretch, and that I found the SSPX congregation to be quite an echo chamber, I was on team diocesan.
And then I started looking for, what my numerary friend calls it, "something stronger." I wanted to expand my "trad resume." At that time, I discovered the Divine Office, and I was just so impressed with it. I like how I can practically pray the Bible on top of reading it. This is huge for me!
But while praying the Divine Office and regularly getting my sacraments were one of my noteworthy personal achievements, I also engaged in Facebook raids. My friends and I would band together, raid someone's Facebook profile when they have terrible takes, and we would lecture them or just troll them. They would block us, but we considered that a victory. Then we would share rage fuel in our groups, about women getting abortions, about pedo priests, and that would get us all in an uproar.
That caused some bad juju in our air. And so we enforced what we called "Wholesome Sunday," where we would focus on elevated spiritual activities instead of collectively shaking our fists at "modernist society."
Those news were truly scandalous and that we were right to be outraged. But I never counted on how sharing "blackpilling" content snowballed into a mindset of hating people who don't believe like we do. We thrashed on modernists, we talk crapola about leftists, Jews, evangelicals, Orthodox, Iglesia ni Cristo, to name a few. We even lowkey insulted some of our priests. In my country, you see, there was a priest who wrote a liturgy called "Misa ng Sambayanang Pilipino" (Mass of the Filipino People), and it was controversial to our community.
But in the trad community, the reaction was bonkers. We would insult the priest who wrote it, and insult the priest who finished it. We felt his liturgy was just dumb. We could explain how and why the liturgy should not have been implemented. However, most of us were rabid. We lost the plot.
At this point, I was already getting uncomfortable with the trads, but I still enjoyed their friendship all the same. They are really good people, and we were united in our love for God through the expression of the sense of the sacred. And so I still hung out with them.
At this time as well, we have also seen Father Chad Ripperger's homily about trads struggling with lust and pride. While Father Chad's homily hit home at the lust part, I admit that we missed on the pride part. By a laaaaarge margin. We did not realize how proud we were.
Then a few months passed into 2018, and I was willfully ignorant of the degeneration of my charity, I got a trad boyfriend. He was a total Integralist and distributist. I was in love, and so naturally, I got tidally locked in the trad world now. I discarded political doctrines that I considered "liberal," and I even started to believe that the automobile is inherently evil because of my constant exposure to his talking points. He would bear down on me on his positions towards machine learning and technology (I am a developer), and about labor (I was working in corporate). He is a staunch car removalist, and is intransigent on the issue of loans, calling the concept of interest as inherently usurious.
I liked to think that while I disagreed with him, I had kept an open mind regarding his talking points. But the entire thought process that I was having as a result was so disingenuous. I denied that I was changing to suit his idea of an ideal reality. But it was happening already. You know who pointed that out? My cardiologist! I had to take a half day leave of absence from work to get checked out on account of my alopecia and "chest pains." My ECG results returned normal. My doctor thought it was psychological.
I did not know it, but my trad boyfriend was already eroding my self-esteem.
So I was fearing everything now, and I began to get very tired of doing trad liturgy. I did not like missing out on God, so I attended TLM, and I sung Vespers and Compline after. My daily routine was a hodgepodge of me praying all the Hours religiously and working in between. My coworkers thought I was becoming a weirdo, but I did not care. At the end of the day I would go to Benediction to a church outside of my workplace and despite that, I felt that I was being drained.
But I did not give up on the sacraments and acts of piety just yet. I held the belief that I will be rewarded in Heaven for my suffering, and nothing else really matters, so I kept doing it. My ex would tell me and tweet, "Let nothing hinder the work of God!" He honestly believed that praying the Divine Office was preferable to concentrating at your work hours.
It was a vicious cycle. I would go to work very tired, and I would end my shift totally exhausted. Even my trad bf began to notice the deepening dark circles around my eyes. I did not realize that I was already being consumed by this lifestyle.
Then my boyfriend broke up with me. He had indicated for a long time that he wanted to be a priest. I screwed up, I did something that pissed him off, and he was just looking for an excuse to dump me. And so I completely lost it when it happened.
After the breakup, he took me to the exorcist of Novaliches to have me checked out. The good priest referred me to a psychiatrist. Though I did not take the doctor. I instead went for another doctor in the same hospital. The doctor diagnosed me with depression, and I was under anti-depressants. I did not feel the benefits of his therapy. In fact, I behaved more psychotically. That's when I changed my doctor to a lady in one of the hospitals in Makati City.
I was beginning to really question the entire point of traditionalism and Catholicism in general. So after my first Ignatian retreat, I stopped contacting my exorcist, but I still went into therapy with my second doctor. I was then diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I was placed on anti-psychotics. I began to attend counseling sessions, which placed an unintended consequence of me going habitually late to work despite the assurances of my tech lead that my current company isn't obsessed with our punctuality.
Healing emotionally did not happen overnight. Even with the meds and the counseling I was still having suicidal and psychotic episodes, and I have melted down several times. My team would take me outside work to help me relax whenever I am in danger of melting down. And yes I was still into trad liturgy and all of that. I loved it. I was already almost a year into being a choirster myself.
After a few months, I pursued a relationship with the back end developer of my then job. He was agnostic and very much secular. He has a lot of those worldly beliefs, and of course, his expecations for sex were that of a typical person pursuing a romantic relationship. Thankfully I did not relapse, chastity wise. Having a secular reason for not having sex helped, actually. Remember, I was undergoing therapy. My secular reason is that I consider having sex as an intimate act and I don't want to get too attached to someone who I am not sure of. If I do that, it will overload my mental circuits. I am a busy person, I don't like stressing over a relationship, especially after what happened with my ex, and the aftereffects of sex will over-complicate things for me.
But still, I was very toxic as a trad on all of my social media accounts, especially Twitter. My ex thought it was wonderful for me to go back to Twitter and see the contents of "Catholic Twitter." But Catholic Twitter was far from wholesome. Left and right the beefs and feuds were popping all over. And I engaged in several verbal skirmishes. Everybody on Twitter was doing it. You name the topic of the fight: cerulean vestments, version of liturgy, the SSPX. You name it.
In trad Catholic Twitter (and I don't care how wholesome you trads claim it to be), many trads consider it a matter of pride to be blocked by Father James Martin, SJ. But why? Just because he has questionable takes regarding the LGBT? If you actually read his tweets he is still consistently anti-abortion and in fact is stricter with the GRRM. There's some morality left in him no matter what, and that guy is a validy-ordained priest.
Are these trads insane? You do not insult a priest. You do not make obscene references to his character, nor do you dress him down and humiliate him in front of everybody. If you are really a trad, then you know that there's a curse out there for people who insult the clergy and the religious. You can get demonically possessed for insulting a priest! You do not do that!
They call their brand of being obnoxious to non-believers and modernists as "charitable correction" when in fact all that it takes to be truly charitable to disagreeable people is to pray for them and by sliding into their DMs carefully explaining why their position is not okay.
I wasn't alone. My ex was involved, my friends are involved. We would answer cringe questions on Curiouscat that are high school tier despite us being adults. The beefs on Facebook and Twitter were more often now, and it spilled over to real life, at church. Every couple of Sundays there is at least one guy to diss for any reason whatsoever. We dissed a Swedish guy for being patronising against our Filipino culture and insisting that his llifestyle of pestecarianism, social justice, was more trad and more Catholic than ours. We dissed a choirster for complaining about some of us choirsters going to Cavite instead of committing to a TLM in Quezon City. Then there's news of me or a friend becoming verbally abusive to SSPX parishioners. And vice versa. We are all infighting.
Even if we have legitimate reasons why we disagree with those we cancel, ultimately, we were just playing a game of who is the least trad among us.
As a consequence, this poisoned the relationship I was having with my current bf. He called the diocesan trad community "a bunch of echo chambers," and my diocesan trad friends did not approve of my romance with him. I guess that's where they started cancelling me. I still hadn't recovered from my experience with my ex at that time, to be honest, and so yes, it's my fault too.
During therapy, one day, my therapist just had enough of my mental gymnastics at that time. And so she just exclaimed. "Why are you doing this to yourself, Victoria? You're in a cult! You're in a cult!" She kept saying that over and over. "You are doing all these ritualistic things that don't actually make you grow as a person! You are only getting very exhausted!"
I could never forget that.
My psychiatrist told me not to get involved with the sacraments anymore. No Divine Office, no devotions, nothing. I have neglected the secular aspect of my personality for long enough for these ill-thought notions of offering up my suffering for the conversion of unbelievers, etc. I of course, disobeyed her at first, by still attending trad liturgy. But she is really right about the relapse triggers. If I go to Mass or confession, I find myself emotionally drained the next day or couple of days. Then I would be uncharitable and verbally abusive to non-trads all over again.
To the credit of my diocesan trad friends, when we do go to trad liturgy in the diocesan parish, my friends would be welcoming to me and my new bf, and we did have a lot of fun. We ate dinner, and we played Exploding Kittens. We even managed to have one of our other friends over, a Novus Ordo type gym brother. At that time he was also dating someone who belonged to the Iglesia ni Cristo, and he had her over. They were truly sweet to us.
You think it was all fun and games? No. A few months later I found out from my remaining trad friends that there was a gossip club in town. Who are they cancelling? Me and my bf, then our friend and his INC gf.
Well, what goes around, comes around. I deserved it.
And so one day, I listened to my therapist. I stopped going to TLM and then went Novus Ordo again. Still the same effect. I was still relapsing. Engaging in religious activity was just...painful for me now.
Then more intel came in. I had another trad friend, who works as a physical therapist, with whom I lost touch until recently. He suffered a breakup with his cheating gf and he wanted to hang out. My boyfriend and I agreed to come out drinking with him and several other trad friends. It was fun for the most part. One of my trad drinking buddies was someone who does research for a living, we will call him Hans. He was closer to the gossip columns than I was. Then he began to tell me everything that had happened during the Feast of Sto. Rosario and the Feast of Christ the King (EF):
The gossip club in my diocesan parish believed that I was still openly simping over my trad ex, and that I am trying too hard to "flirt-to-convert" my current boyfriend.
Let us say for the sake of argument that I am still in love with my ex and I am just using my current bf. But I want to pose the following questions:
  1. How is that any of their concern?
  2. Is my ex the only reason that I still went to Sto Rosario and Christ the King? That diocesan parish is special to me, even if I don't want to come back there anymore.
  3. Why are you all observing me too much? Aren't you all supposed to concentrate on the liturgy.
Hans was snitching on these gossips, he told me of this facebook chat where they would thrash me and my new bf nonstop. That I can abide and let slide, even if I was truly angry. Why do they accuse me of simping over my ex when in fact it was him who couldn't stop looking at me from time to time and would try to make conversation with me, even if I was far from his side of the table latewr that evening in our favorite ramen place?
I was truly angry, and to be really honest, I was contemplating on hiring people to beat them up.
So, with the new information regarding the gossip club, I finally had a reason to stop going to that parish for good.
I went fully secular.
I'm not atheist, as my "convertodox" guy friend would tell everyone. I could never be atheist after seeing the miracle of the holy Sacrifice. Right now I am just... secular. Or nominal Catholic, something that my Orthodox girl bff actually understands and has experienced as well. For us who still believe, faith is a lifetime struggle. Some of us relapse into degeneracy, some us come back, and many of us fluctuate between piety and acedia. It's a process.
My dad actually noticed this change in myself, and he told me how sad he was. He is what most of my trad friends would consider a boomer modernist. He actually slept through the Roman Canon when I took him to TLM! But he was happy for me when I went trad. To him it meant that I finally get it. And so it was hard him to see me "relapse" into my secular ways, despite fully understanding how toxic my experience with trads are. I couldn't talk to him about this, I just stopped joining him for Rosaries, and then he just knew.
Nowadays.
In my account, whenever I feel good enough, I would still go to Mass, but I made sure I wasn't alone. I stopped going to the nearby diocesan TLM and instead opted for the SSPX parish. I don't do it out of habit, I still rarely go, and I go to Low Mass. Then the next day I would file a sick leave from work in order to emotionally recover. I don't socialize with the parishioners after liturgy. It's not that I hate them, it's just that I simply refuse to relapse into my toxic trad ways. This was also why I nuked my Twitter and my Facebook.
I kept my Instagram, where the trad content was more curated. There's more said about reflecting on one's spirituality than about arguing which position is more traditionalist, and so on. It resolved my internal debate about the rather shallow talking points my ex had shoved in me, such as the question of machine learning: there could never be perfect AI, since it was created by imperfect beings. Therefore AI could never truly take over the world and replace human labor. It is just sad that despite all of his erudition, he remains adamant in his position regarding matters like this; conflating politics, culture, economics, and engineering with Catholic morality. He has lost the confidence of several of our trad friends. Or so my trad friends have told me.
When I started looking after my digital wellbeing, I truly started healing. My relationship with my boyfriend has stabilized. He met my friends from the SSPX congregation, and he was impressed how down-to-earth and reflective we were.
I could never imagine an avowed agnostic atheist praising the SSPX congregation for being more mature than the diocesan trads in this aspect. But he does. He is now absolutely insistent that I only attend TLM in an SSPX parish if the mood takes me. I am to absolutely avoid the diocesan parish where I go to. And out of love and respect for his feelings, I obey him.
Back in 2018 I would not have imagined that the Lord would send me a secular to teach me the values of charity and humility. These are the things I could not have learned in trad school. But He did and I am very grateful that my character has improved, even if I am still too far from perfect.
I still go to therapy. Personally I am very much struggling with so many conflicts in my spiritual life. But my doctor assured me that healing is a journey. I guess that's a consolation, and that I could come back and experience the sense of the sacred one day without breaking down.
Do I attend Novus Ordo? Rarely
Do I attend TLM? Even more rarely
Do I go to confession? Not anymore
Do I receive communion? Not anymore
Do I pray the Divine Office? Not anymore
Do I pray the Rosary? Never unless someone invites me. And usually I decline.
I am so tired of keeping this between me, my therapist, my SD, and my closest trad friends. To be honest, I still wanted to keep this to myself. After all, my interior life is none of anyone's business. However, the widespread lack of charity in the trad world has become so pervasive for too long. When I say this out loud to the community most of them would just tune me out, and then go back to their beefs on Facebook and Twitter. They dismiss my arguments as the ramblings of someone with bipolar disorder, or that of someone who has not moved on from my dreadful experience with my ex. They just don't realize the amount of damage to Catholicism that they were doing. They refuse to take responsibility for such things.
Some would listen, but they would classify this cringe behavior as "e-trad behavior" or "rad trad" or "sspx trad" or "weird Catholic twitter" behavior, as if to tell me that they have never done cringe trad behavior in their lives. Sir, please shut up and listen to me: We are all cringe.
And they wonder why the "modernist" clergy hate us? And they wonder why a Cardinal personally intervened to stop a Jesuit priest from saying TLM in his own hospital? And they wonder why a diocesan, trad-friendly, SSPX-friendly bishop is investigating a trad religious order? And they wonder why directors kick out trads from their seminaries?
And they wonder why trads have to go "crypto" while they are inside the seminary? And they get butt mad when they found out that our dear diocesan trad priest wouldn't get promoted by his bishop and has to deal with the contempt of the dean of liturgy in a university?
I honestly feel for Father J. He is a holy man, and he has been very accommodating to us. He does not deserve what is happening to him. He does not deserve to bear our collective trad autism as a cross whenever he is brought up to scrutiny before his bishop and his brother priests. The issue isn't about his preference for TLM. The issue is not that the mainstream clergy find us weird. The issue is we are all acting like animals. Father J beholds Jesus to us in the most Beautiful Form of the Sacrifice, and this is how we pay him? We have been hurting Father J's career.
We are making the crosses of our trad priests unnecessarily big with our collective lack of charity and kindness.
They just. Don't. Get it.
With all of these things in account, I like to think that my ex-boyfriend and his friends have since grown in holiness and charity, after our final falling out back in February this year. He after all, left the gossip group chat with Hans. But then, one of my remaining trad friends suddenly slid in my inbox, and he made a litany of complaints about the online behavior of various rads, including my ex and his gang. Apparently they have made a Facebook meme page where most of everything they do is share a hodgepodge of right-wing, borderline benevacantist, and medievalist fantasist memes that are mostly stolen from other meme pages. Then they super-impose an oversized watermark upon the memes they steal. Even my admin friends at Katoliko Memes PH finds this absolutely cringe.
There's this one account of an Opus Dei numerary friend of mine from a study center in... some place in Manila, who relayed to me the complaints of another numerary about my ex-boyfriend's social media habits. They confided in me that they wanted to spurn him from their centers, though in my opinion that would be too sad for him. Maybe if he were to be on speaking terms with the Opus Dei numeraries, he would expand his perspective with regards to topics and people he considers "worldly."
But then maybe not. It is very much established how unwilling he is to expand his perspective as soon as he deems the topic "worldly." I lent him my copy of Don Norman's Design of Everyday Things with an exhortation for him to read it, because as far-fetched from traditionalism UX is, it led me to ask questions on how to give Catholics a truly sacred experience, and then to traditionalism. I believe that he will need that book, among many others, especially that now he is going to seminary.
I did not ask for the book back.
Another friend complains, and another, and another.
To be really honest, I really wish I want to come back to the faith and receive my sacraments regularly again. But I have been burned by my experience with the entire trad community. They eat each other alive. They have very little charity in their bones. I wish I can at least have a Novus Ordo community to hang out with. And I still have my Tertiary friends. But religion is a relapse trigger to me now.
This is where my logic honestly breaks down. Sympathetic trads could recommend all sorts of self-help on how to get me back into the church and be regular again. Go Novus Ordo, hecc, even attend the problematic Misa ng Sambayanang Pilipino! I know that I ultimately have no defensible justifications why I do not wish to come back. Intellectually after all, I can explain why I believe that Catholicism is a requirement for my salvation, and I believe it it all still. But I could not make myself feel that way anymore. I am now emotionally incapable of being Catholic again.
Maybe I will come back to doing regular trad liturgy again. Maybe I will pray the Office daily again. Maybe I won't. That is my concern and not the concern of those trads around me.
I have a lot to say. I am tired of being shut out by these trads. I know and I pray that this experience of mine reaches their feeds. I am aware that if any of my friends would read this, they would know exactly who I am. They can pretend that they had not read what I wrote here. They can subtweet all they want. They can find all the inconsistencies with my testimony as a practical ex-trad. But it's not going to change the fact that the each member of the trad community is responsible for perpetuating the toxicity online and in real life. Myself included. This story is a chastisement for every trad out there who denies full involvement in this downward spiral.
I am counting on it.
tl;dr: Me and my friends were toxic trads, and thus I had to go to therapy and apologize to everyone.
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2020.09.03 07:14 TodaystheDayeee In honor of the 75th anniversary of the end of WW2 (Sep. 2nd 1945), here's the Ares and Wonder Woman transcript to my next video.

"To me you are the most hateful of all gods who hold Olympus. Forever quarrelling is dear to your heart, wars and battles." - Zeus, Iliad, Book 5
Our story begins in Olympus in the time of the old gods but it could be anywhere at anytime. Hera, Queen of Olympus, Goddess of Marriage and Women had a son with her older brother and husband Zeus, the King of the Gods. They brought forth Ares, God of War and personification of the primal carnage of men. Not just war, the brutality of it. He would wage a war against love and unleash death where death need not be.
But Ares was not the only name used to invoke war. Not even the first. It's actually not clear where or when it first manifested. In the long prehistoric infancy of our species large scale conflict was likely not even possible. Contact was probably limited to fights over game as small bands or tribes followed herds, staying close to fresh water and foraging grounds. One of the earliest cemeteries called Jebel Sahaba in the Nile river valley near the border of Sudan and Egypt dates back at least 11,600 years. Of the 61 individuals found, 26 skeletons had arrowhead fragments near them or in some cases still embedded in them, causing speculation of a massacre. There was also evidence of healed injuries indicating persistent raids.
In 2005, excavation work began in Hamoukar, a large archaeological dig near the Iraqi and Turkish borders. The settlement there dates back to the 5th millennium BCE, but it was destroyed about 3500 BCE. Slings and thousands of clay bullets have been found among the ruins, possibly evidence of the earliest urban warfare discovered so far.
Then finally, writing began in Egypt and soon after the Palette of Narmer is inscribed. It tells the story of the 1st pharaoh of a unified Egypt vanquishing his rivals. This marks the beginning of the first dynasty about 3100 BCE in the mythical, as yet undiscovered capital city of Thinis which worshiped the Egyptian God of war, Anhur, the slayer of enemies.
The rest, as they say, is history and there is a lot of it.
The causes of war are simple. Simple needs. Simple desires. Desperation and greed. All seven deadly sins. All four horseman. Some call it the devil, temptation and evil. Bad thoughts, bad words, bad deeds.
And the story begins again around 850 years before the common era. A man of myth and his followers establish a city of mostly male bandits. Shortly after they throw a festival and announce it to the neighboring cities as a celebration. During the festival, the myth tells of 30 young women, all but 1 a virgin, who were abducted by their hosts and later implored to marry their abductors. The mythical man is known as Romulus and the newly founded city was Rome.
The scene becomes popular among artists and sculptors and is known as The Rape of the Sabine Women. The resulting hostility with the surrounding tribes erupted into the invasion of Rome which they fought back. Rome was quickly becoming a powerful force and defeated 3 neighboring tribes. It was soon on the offensive against King Titus Tatius of the Sabines, fighting against the fathers of their abducted wives. Intervention finally came, according to Roman historian Livy when the women,
"from the outrage on whom the war originated, with hair disheveled and garments rent, the timidity of their sex being overcome by such dreadful scenes, had the courage to throw themselves amid the flying weapons, and making a rush across, to part the incensed armies, and assuage their fury; imploring their fathers on the one side, their husbands on the other, "that as fathers-in-law and sons-in-law they would not contaminate each other with impious blood, nor stain their offspring with parricide, the one their grandchildren, the other their children. If you are dissatisfied with the affinity between you, if with our marriages, turn your resentment against us; we are the cause of war, we of wounds and of bloodshed to our husbands and parents. It were better that we perish than live widowed or fatherless without one or [the] other of you."
- THE HISTORY OF ROME. BY TITUS LIVIUS, or "Livy"
A treaty was struck, and the Sabines united with the Romans as one nation. Titus Tatius ruled with Romulus until his death five years later and as we all know, Rome was just getting started. Like the Spartans and Egyptians before them, the Romans had an affinity with their war God, this time known as Mars.
There are many other war gods and goddesses as well such as Agasaya, Agrona, Agurzil, Ah Chuy Kak, Ah Cun Can, Ah Hulneb, Ahulane, Alala, Alaisiagae, Al-Qaum, Alke, Amphillogiai, Anahita, Anann, Anath, Andarta, Andraste, Androktasiai, Anhur, Ankt, Anouke, Apedemak, Aray, Ares, Ashtart, Ashur and Athena. And that ladies and gentlemen, is just the A's.
The longest conflict in history is the Reconquista on the Iberian Peninsula between the Christians in what is now Spain and the conquering Muslims who invaded in the year 711. It lasted 781 years, finally ending with the 10 year long Granada War. Christian forces made a massive offensive push, recruiting farmers to swell their ranks, destroying enemy crops and pushing the Muslims towards the sea. It ended on Jan. 2nd, 1492 with the surrender of Islamic rule. 7 other wars or conflicts lasted longer than 500 years. Another 106 wars lasted longer than 50 years. But the God of war is insatiable and humanity was about to manifest the most destructive incarnation the world had yet seen.
In 1162, in a desolate place where food and luxury was scarce, a baby was born in exile from a disgraced family. He would go on to become a warrior and unite the Mongol tribes as Genghis Khan. His conquest was fueled by fear. He readily employed brutal tactics like spreading disease by catapulting the dead over walls. So many people died that weather patterns were disturbed and forest grew back on previously populated land. The Mongol horde trampled empires, handing down ultimatums of death or alliance. Fear spread like a plague, and the horde rode in behind it destroying some to tame the rest. Khan would promise protection and relative normalcy in exchange for complete surrender and regular tributes. Those made subordinate became sources of income, fueling the Khan’s engine of war. For a brief moment in time, Genghis Khan and the Khan's that followed carved out the largest contiguous empire on Earth.
Perhaps the deadliest confrontation in history took place under Hulagu Khan during the Siege of Baghdad in 1258, which lasted only 13 days. At the time, Baghdad was the capital of the Islamic Abbasid Caliphate. Their leader, Al-Musta'sim, was either overconfident or incompetent or both. When the Mongols had overcome the city's defenses they executed Al-Musta'sim and massacred the people leaving it greatly depopulated. Contemporary accounts state Mongol soldiers looted and destroyed mosques, palaces, libraries, and hospitals. The Grand Library of Baghdad, called the House of Wisdom, containing countless historical documents and books on medicine to astronomy, was destroyed. Priceless books torn apart, their leather covers used as sandals, their contents dumped in the river with the dead. Its said the Tigris ran red from the blood of philosophers and scientists and then turned black from the ink of their wisdom. The siege is considered to mark the end of the Islamic Golden Age.
This level of carnage would not be unleashed again in so short a time until the 20th century during WW1 and again just 1 generation later in WW2. The Siege of Leningrad alone, which lasted from 1941 to 1944, would leave 1 million to 5.5 million dead. Then the Battle of Stalingrad began in August 1942. It lasted into the winter and added again to list of bloodiest battles in the history of warfare. Air raids dropped bombs on civilians as fighting devolved into close-quarter, house-to-house combat. Both sides poured reinforcements into the city and by the end, as many as 2 million were dead. After five months, one week and three days of fighting the Axis forces had exhausted their ammunition and food, finally forced to surrender in February 1943. It was a turning point in the war that began pushing the Nazi's back to Berlin.
In the middle of this hell on Earth, in July 1942, Wonder Woman issue #1 - The Origin of Wonder Woman is released by DC Comics. In it, for some reason, she's carrying a parchment in her outfit which tells the history of the Amazons. Of course, she loses it and obviously someone at the Smithsonian gets it and translates it so we all get to learn what's happening now.
The story returns us to Olympus, Aphrodite is arguing with Ares over who will rule the world - men and violence and hate and war or women with love. Their argument spills over onto Earth. Women throughout the world are enslaved by Ares. Aphrodite turns the tables with a magic girdle she gives to the Amazons. The girdle is eventually stolen by Hercules who enslaves them. Aphrodite intervenes again, granting the Amazons the power to break the chains and remain free for as long as they refuse to submit to men. Their strength lie in the bracelets they wear as reminders of the chains that enslaved them. Away from the influence of men, they create a utopian civilization called Paradise Island.
But back in the real world on a different island in the Pacific theater of WW2, Ares was about to transform the meaning of war and place humanity's very existence on a knife's edge.
bellum omnium contra omnes (Latin phrase meaning "the war of all against all")
On July 16th 1945, the US detonated the first atomic bomb in New Mexico as part of a test. 9 days later the decision to drop one on Japan was made and Allied forces issued the Potsdam Declaration on July 26th which handed down an ultimatum of complete surrender or "the inevitable and complete destruction of the Japanese armed forces and just as inevitably the utter devastation of the Japanese homeland". The bomb wasn't mentioned and it ultimatum was rejected.
On August 2nd, Truman and other high profile US officials boarded the USS Augusta, headed back home across the Atlantic. A group gathered in Secretary of State James Byrnes’s cabin the first night at sea to watch a movie. It was called Wonder Man. A nightclub owner is murdered by gangsters but comes back as a ghost to haunt his killers. Truman stayed in his cabin, perhaps thinking about the explosion that was coming and the weight of his choices. He had written in his diary the day of the decision that, "the target will be a purely military one". It's hard to imagine he didn't know better.
About 3 days later, on the other side of the world, Tsutomu Yamaguchi was going to work at Mitsubishi Heavy Industries for what was supposed to be his last day in the city. It was 8:15 AM, on August 6th, 1945 in Hiroshima, Japan and an estimated 70,000 people were about to die. Yamaguchi heard a plane overhead, he looked up and saw The Enola Gay B-29 bomber and he saw the object drop and the parachute attached to it. What dropped was an atomic bomb equivalent to 18,000 tons of TNT. It was more powerful than the previous largest bomb ever used in warfare by more than 1,500 times.
Yamaguchi described the blast like “the lightning of a huge magnesium flare.” He had barely been able to dive into a ditch before the boom ruptured his eardrums and the shock wave sucked him into the air and tossed him into a nearby potato patch. His face and forearms were badly burned and he thought he might of fainted for awhile but he was alive. He described everything like the start of an old film before the picture begins, "when the blank frames are just flashing up without any sound." The morning sun was blotted out by dust and debris and falling ash. A mushroom cloud of fire was rising over Hiroshima. He was less than two miles from ground zero.
A mile and a half away, half a mile from ground zero, Shigeyoshi Morimoto was luckier than 95% of the others within the same blast radius. The master kite maker was part of a secret military study to use kites against American planes. Suddenly he found himself under the rubble of his cousins home where he was visiting but Morimoto, his cousin, and his cousin's son all survived.
He said in an interview by Robert Trumbull in 1956 that it was like a lightning flash, then "the house collapsed and we were pinned beneath the fallen ceiling and roof." When they dug themselves out they couldn't believe level of destruction. Every building was flattened within a mile of the explosion, and fire would soon destroy every building within a 4.5 square mile radius. Within weeks, another 70,000 would die in the aftermath.
Sixteen hours after the explosion, a video was released of President Harry Truman revealing the existence of the atomic bomb to the world for the first time. “It is a harnessing of the basic power of the universe,” he said. “The force from which the sun draws its power has been loosed against those who brought war to the Far East.”
Truman was actually still aboard the USS Augusta in the Atlantic ocean. He was having lunch when a navy captain delivered the message. Truman turned to his Secretary of State James Byrnes and shouted, “It’s time for us to get on home!” He then addressed the sailors in the mess-hall, calling for attention by banging silverware against a glass. The sailors went quiet and Truman made his announcement to an explosion of applause. Morale was soaring all over the Augusta. A sailor's quote summed it up best saying, “I guess I’ll go home sooner now.”
Yamaguchi was thinking about home too. In a daze, he found a couple coworkers who also survived. After taking shelter for a night, the three began making their way toward the somehow still operational train. They trekked through a desolated city of smoldering fires, crumbled buildings and the charred and melted corpses of the dead. Yamaguchi was forced to swim through floating bodies at a river crossing because the bridges were twisted wreckage. All to reach the station, where he boarded a train full of other burned and bewildered passengers.
Morimoto had gone back to the hotel he was staying at for work. It was badly damaged but still standing and three of his colleagues were alive. They got permission to leave the city on August 8th. The four men along with Yamaguchi were trying to get back home, to Nagasaki.
At least three trains made the 190 mile trip from Hiroshima to Nagasaki and arrived there by August 9th, the day that city would be bombed. 165 survivors from Hiroshima are thought to have traveled to Nagasaki and lived through the 2nd explosion as well. People who experienced both attacks are called “nijyuu hibakusha,” or “twice-bombed person.”
Yamaguchi reported for work at Mitsubishi’s Nagasaki office and at about 11 a.m. he was giving a full report on Hiroshima. He recounted what he could, the blinding light, the deafening boom, the devastation—but his superior didn't believe it, didn't believe a single bomb could destroy an entire city. Suddenly, another white flash exploded outside. Yamaguchi dropped just seconds before office windows were shattered by the shock wave and debris blew through the room. In his panic, he thought it had followed him but he had just survived a 2nd atomic bombing in 3 days.
He ran out of the wrecked building and past the ravaged city to get home to his wife and son. When he got there part of his house was a pile of rubble but they were alive and barely hurt. His wife had left to buy burn ointment for him, and she and the baby were near a tunnel when the bomb dropped. If Yamaguchi hadn't been burned in Hiroshima, his family might have been killed in Nagasaki.
Morimoto, the kite maker, had just finished describing the atomic bomb to his wife when their house was suddenly flooded with the same blinding flash. He was shouting as he shoved his wife and son into their air-raid shelter and pulled the heavy door shut behind him as their home was destroyed. Morimoto and his family were also uninjured.
But many others were not lucky. Roughly 200,000 people died after four months, about half on the first day, from the effects of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. It remains the only nuclear bombing used in warfare and although Hiroshima had a sizable military garrison, most of the dead were civilians. After the immediate aftermath, people continued to die in the thousands for months from burns, radiation sickness, and injuries, made even worse by illness and malnutrition. Japan surrendered to the Allies on August 15th, six days after Nagasaki and the Soviet Union had also declared war on them. Japanese government officials signed documents on September 2, effectively ending the war and beginning occupation.
It is generally thought the casualties from the bombings is at or near the low estimates for casualties had the war continued on the ground. It was feared the number of dead could reach a million or more if the Allies invaded the Japanese homeland. Americans were also war weary, the massive operations were expensive, and military strategists were worried about the Soviet Union expanding its influence in the East. However, the debate over the ethical and legal justification for the bombings in still debated today.
But it didn't matter then. The war was over and America was celebrating. Humanity began to rebuild but there was little time to reflect. The full implications of what had happened were still coming into focus. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, William Leahy once decried the use of atomic weapons as "an ethical standard common to the barbarians of the Dark Ages", but in 1947 he reported a military requirement for 400 atomic bombs . The Soviet Union detonated an atomic test in September 1949. Oppenheimer, concerned about the devastation that future nuclear war could bring, was stripped of his job and commission. Despite his opposition, the U.S. had developed and tested a Hydrogen bomb by 1952. Ordinary fission bombs like the ones dropped in Japan would henceforth be regarded as small tactical nuclear weapons, a thousand times weaker than the new versions. The US had 23,317 nuclear weapons and the Soviet Union had 40,159 by 1986. More than 90% of the world's remaining 13,865 nuclear weapons were owned by Russia and the United States at the start of 2019. Over 2,000 nuclear tests have been conducted in over a dozen locations around the world by 8 different countries. 9 countries have nuclear weapons.
A team of researchers studied 1,024 species of mammals, and found the rate of lethal violence between Homo sapiens is 7 times higher than the average among all mammals. A different study found that although there are 7.6 billion humans we make up just 0.01% of all living things. In other words, humans are statistically insignificant, not only in the universe but on Earth as well and yet since the dawn of civilization, humanity has caused the loss of 83% of all wild mammals and half of plants. And now our seeming dominance has put us on a path quite possibly to our own destruction. Unwittingly in some cases, proudly in others and cynically in some.
When Yamaguchi's son died from cancer at 59 in 2005, he went public with his story. After remaining silent since his 1950's interview, he began speaking out against nuclear war. Of the estimated 165 people who experienced both attacks and lived, he became the first and only survivor to be officially recognized by the Japanese government as “nijyuu hibakusha,” the “twice-bombed person.” A year later in 2010, he died at the age of 93. He said he got through the many years after the bombings with poetry.
It may seem as if the God of war is at his most powerful, feeding constantly on the chaos in the world and now humans have amassed the potential for total destruction. In the myths and the comics, Ares had done his best throughout the years to destroy the Amazons, sending Hercules against them and sacking their island but he had another plot for all humanity. To spark a war between the United States and Russia, provoking World War III. His ambitions were only thwarted when he was finally forced to face the truth that without the chaos of men he would cease to exist, having no one to worship him.
However, there would be survivors in this nightmare, like the Ginkgo biloba. A ginkgo tree survived in Hiroshima less than a mile from ground zero. It's nicknamed the Tree of Life and it happens to be the oldest species of tree on earth, dating back 270 million years. It also smells like vomit, helping it to survive thousands of generations of grazing animals. Along with the Ginkgo tree, other survivors would probably include rats, cockroaches, ants, scorpions, flies, wasps, worms, bacteria like E. coli, amoebas and the seemingly indestructible tardigrade. It wouldn't be the most pleasant world, but it would still be alive.
And the story begins again, one more time. There was once a utopia. At least that's what outsiders had come to think. It made sense from far away. It had been mostly forgotten, cut off from the world and for a long time no one questioned this supposed utopia. It had achieved an almost mythic, paradise lost status until finally an explorer came to stay there for awhile. At first it seemed the view from the outside was correct. But one day their leader died leaving a power vacuum and a tyrant emerged to fill it. Not all were willing to follow. A group of dissenters separated, forming a smaller group but this did not bring peace. A member of the new group was ambushed one day without warning, beaten badly and was never seen again. Over the next four years the smaller group was picked off 1 by 1 and systematically destroyed. The victors ate the flesh and drank the blood of their victims. They celebrated over the dead with hoots and screams. The explorer was horrified. There was no mercy. But it wasn't men that did these things, not this time. These were the events observed in the jungles of Gombe Stream National Park in Tanzania from 1974 to 1978 during the Gombe Chimpanzee War. The explorer was Jane Goodall. By the end, 10 were dead or missing and only 3 females remained. They were beaten and kidnapped and in that way the two groups became 1 again.
Goodall discovered the systematic hunting strategies and aggressive nature of chimpanzees, exposing their cannibalism and taste for smaller primates. She turned conventional wisdom upside down and found it difficult to come to terms with what she saw herself. But she also observed peaceful and affectionate behaviors, intelligence, emotions, social bonds and forced man to redefine itself, "or accept chimpanzees as human".
In 2019, there were at least 29 conflicts or wars where more than 100 people lost their lives including 17 minor conflicts, 9 wars and 4 major wars in Afghanistan, Yemen, Syria and the Mexican drug war. But despite the headlines. Despite the violence. Despite the tragedy and chaos and the potential destructive power Ares or Anhur or Mars could unleash on humanity at any minute. Despite how things might feel right now. Overall, things are getting better and can get better.
Because something else happened in the 20th century. It was said that a soul of an unborn daughter held back from creation when the first woman was murdered by a man, was put inside a baby girl made out of clay from paradise island. The baby girl was given life by the Greek Pantheon of Goddesses and named Diana. She grew up among a legion of sisters and mothers and became the champion of the Amazons and emissary to the world of men. They would call her Wonder Woman.
submitted by TodaystheDayeee to HistoryofReality101 [link] [comments]


2020.09.02 16:35 intellectualgulf The theory that Christianity aids the advancement of Science and Technology is wrong.

Now at least one rational response will show up in Google results. It is absolutely absurd that until today, 20200902, if you searched for the phrase "christian damage to human knowledge", you would have found no results.
This is utterly ridiculous to anyone remotely familiar with history.
Unfortunately if you search for the phrase "christianity and the advancement of technology" or just "christianity and technology" you get results by a new cult of Christianity professing the incorrect thesis that claims, "Christianity “The Historical Roots of Our Ecologic Crisis,” (1967) ". https://science.sciencemag.org/content/155/3767/1203.
I will prove the thesis wrong using a single historical fact to begin with, but there are so many that I will just keep adding to the list until someone gives me a doctorate for this.
Trying to claim "Christianity is beneficial to technology and science" is so incredibly inaccurate I can't begin to describe the magnitude of the error. I can call this branch of nutters a Cult because they are actively trying to alter history in a very dangerous way. The Catholic / Christian churches and nearly every branch ultimately promote misinformation and lies, with this ridiculous theory being the biggest turd so far.
The claim by White is,
"the emergence in widespread practice of the Baconian creed, that scientific knowledge means technological power over nature can scarcely be dated before 1850".
Well that isn't how logic or history work at all.
Firstly, just because the scientific method had not been described by Sir Francis Bacon until the 1650's does not mean in any shape or form that the methods were not being applied beforehand.
This would be like claiming gravity did not exist before Newton described it, which clearly is not how the physical world operates.
Unfortunately the best summation of White's Thesis, found in the "Encyclopedia of Religion and Nature", seems to be the origin for the idea that White was proposing a link between Christianity and technology:
Had White shown that religion was a cause of technological development
It seems White's paper and later evaluations within "Christian Scholarly circles" is what led to this absurd attempt to whitewash history.
Really everyone should stop here, as the theory has already proven itself false in basic premise.
Let's go ahead and prove it wrong though before the overwhelming amount of bullshit being spewed overwhelms actual historical fact.
To do this, let's look at one of my favorite historical figures, Archimedes of Syracuse (/ˌɑːrkɪˈmiːdiːz/;[2] Ancient Greek: Ἀρχιμήδης, Arkhimḗdēs; Doric Greek: [ar.kʰi.mɛː.dɛ̂ːs]; c. 287 – c. 212 BC) was a Greek mathematician, physicist, engineer, inventor, and astronomer.[3]
A large part of Archimedes' work in engineering arose from fulfilling the needs of his home city of Syracuse. The Greek writer Athenaeus of Naucratis described how King Hiero II commissioned Archimedes to design a huge ship, the Syracusia, which could be used for luxury travel, carrying supplies, and as a naval warship. The Syracusia is said to have been the largest ship built in classical antiquity.[31] According to Athenaeus, it was capable of carrying 600 people and included garden decorations, a gymnasium) and a temple dedicated to the goddess Aphrodite among its facilities. Since a ship of this size would leak a considerable amount of water through the hull, the Archimedes' screw was purportedly developed in order to remove the bilge water. Archimedes' machine was a device with a revolving screw-shaped blade inside a cylinder. It was turned by hand, and could also be used to transfer water from a low-lying body of water into irrigation canals. The Archimedes' screw is still in use today for pumping liquids and granulated solids such as coal and grain. The Archimedes' screw described in Roman times by Vitruvius may have been an improvement on a screw pump that was used to irrigate the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.[32][33] The world's first seagoing steamship with a screw propeller was the SS Archimedes, which was launched in 1839 and named in honor of Archimedes and his work on the screw.[34]
For a wonderful example of why Christians should not be allowed to spread this ridiculous theory of how helpful they are to science and technology lets look at a Christian practice of writing over old manuscripts with bible nonsense:

Archimedes Palimpsest
In 1906, The Archimedes Palimpsest revealed works by Archimedes thought to have been lost.
The foremost document containing the work of Archimedes is the Archimedes Palimpsest. In 1906, the Danish professor Johan Ludvig Heiberg) visited Constantinople and examined a 174-page goatskin) parchment of prayers written in the 13th century AD. He discovered that it was a palimpsest, a document with text that had been written over an erased older work. Palimpsests were created by scraping the ink from existing works and reusing them, which was a common practice in the Middle Ages as vellum was expensive. The older works in the palimpsest were identified by scholars as 10th century AD copies of previously unknown treatises by Archimedes.[75] The parchment spent hundreds of years in a monastery library in Constantinople before being sold to a private collector in the 1920s. On October 29, 1998 it was sold at auction to an anonymous buyer for $2 million at Christie's in New York.[76]
The palimpsest holds seven treatises, including the only surviving copy of On Floating Bodies in the original Greek. It is the only known source of The Method of Mechanical Theorems, referred to by Suidas and thought to have been lost forever. Stomachion was also discovered in the palimpsest, with a more complete analysis of the puzzle than had been found in previous texts. The palimpsest is now stored at the Walters Art Museum in Baltimore, Maryland, where it has been subjected to a range of modern tests including the use of ultraviolet and x-ray light to read the overwritten text.[77]
So what does Archimedes tell us? Well he tells us we have a verified person alive before Christ who practiced science. Archimedes definitely followed a different religion since the Judaic People didn't have the Maccabean Revolt (origin of Hunnakah) until 150 BCE.
Looking at the religions history of Ancient Rome we can see that is is very unlikely Judaism or Christianity had become more than Cults by the time of Archimedes, who lived in Syracuse before the Romans conquered it, and died as a result of that conquering.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religion_in_ancient_Rome
So just to be clear we have a "heathen" who is recognized by anyone with a brain as one of the most influential scientists to ever live.
Syracuse did LATER become infected by Christianity but it was not founded by Hebrew or Christian peoples and certainly was not Judaic or Christian or Catholic.
Syracuse was founded by Greek colonists in 734 or 733 BC, part of Magna Graecia. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia: "Syracuse claims to be the second Church founded by St. Peter, after that of Antioch. It also claims that St. Paul preached there. ... In the times of St. Cyprian (the middle of the third century), Christianity certainly flourished at Syracuse, and the catacombs clearly show that this was the case in the second century." Across the Strait of Messina, Calabria on the mainland was also probably an early center of Christianity.[63]
To put the nail in the ridiculous notion that Christianity is somehow linked to scientific and technological progress, let's just have a look at the timeline of notable events in human history.
https://www.oxfordreference.com/view/10.1093/acref/9780191735417.timeline.000
c. 300 bce
Vishnu, Shiva and Brahma emerge as India's trio of main gods, with the Vedic religion of the Aryans evolving into Hinduism
The Celts move across the Channel into Britain, soon becoming the dominant ethnic group in the island
The Greek author Theophrastus writes On the History of Plants, the earliest surviving work on botany
The flexibility of the Roman legion transforms the Greek phalanx into an even more effective fighting machine
Euclid, teaching at the museum in Alexandria, writes what becomes Europe's standard textbook on geometry
Vesta, goddess of the hearth, is served in Rome by virgin priestesses who tend the sacred flame in her shrine
The Indian epic of romance and adventure, the Ramayana, is probably the work of a single author at about this time
Epicurus postulates a universe of indestructible atoms in which man himself is responsible for achieving a balanced life
Phoenicia is brought into the new Hellenistic empire, changing hands frequently between contending successors of Alexander
c. 300 bce - ce 100
The people of Paracas, a coastal region of central Peru, create extremely sophisticated fabrics of woven cotton or vicuña wool
299 bce
The Roman siege technique is improved by the 'tortoise' which protects the attacking force
Seleucus founds Antioch as a Greek city on the trade route between Mesopotamia and Europe
292 bce
The Colossus, a giant statue of Helios the sun god, is erected beside the harbour of Rhodes
281 bce
Pyrrhus lands in Italy, with 25,000 men and 20 elephants, to fight for the Greek colony of Tarentum against the Romans
c. 280 bce
The Jewish community of Alexandria coins the word diaspora for Jews living far from Israel
The Alexandrian school of medicine develops an alarming form of clinical anatomy – human vivisection
A great lighthouse, subsequently one of the Seven Wonders of the World, is built on the island of Pharos, off Alexandria
The Jews of Alexandria commission the Greek translation of the Old Testament which becomes known as the Septuagint
272 bce
Asoka, a devotee of Buddhism, wins the Mauryan throne and establishes India's first empire
c. 270 bce
On the small Greek island of Samos an astronomer, Aristarchus, comes to the startling conclusion that the earth is in orbit round the sun
264 bce
A clash in Sicily, between Rome and Carthage, leads to the First Punic War
The first gladiatorial contests in Rome are part of the entertainment at a funeral, and soon become popular
c. 260 bce
The 500,000 scrolls in the library at Alexandria are listed in a catalogue, which itself runs to 120 scrolls
A Carthaginian quinquereme, captured by the Romans, is used as the model for the first Roman fleet - constructed in two months
The new Roman fleet wins a decisive victory over the Carthaginians at Mylae, thanks largely to the 'raven' (corvus in Latin)
c. 250 bce
The organ, using a mechanical device to pump air through a set of musical pipes, is invented in Alexandria by Ctesibius
Archimedes (it is said) leaps out of his bath shouting eureka ('I have found it') when he perceives how to test for relative density
Asoka, extending his rule over much of India, proclaims his Buddhist faith on pillars and in rock inscriptions
The Chinese develop the crossbow, many centuries before its use in Europe
The first alchemists, working in Alexandria, are also the world's first experimental chemists
The digits known now as Arabic numerals make their first tentative appearance in India
The Romans evolve a system of numerals which, until the end of the Middle Ages, is a handicap to western arithmetic
Buddhism reaches Sri Lanka as a result of the missionary efforts of the Indian ruler, Asoka
To help the king of Syracuse extract water from the hold of a ship (so the story goes), Archimedes invents the screw now known by his name
Hmmm. I see an odd lack of the Big G given how Christianity or other religions of the book are supposed to be somehow integral to scientific progress.
Oh wait that's right. It's a lie. That explains it much more simply than rewriting history doesn't it?
Yes many scientists since the creation of Christianity have been Christian. A lot of people who died were alive too.
All people will inevitably try to enact / enforce policies and laws that align with their personal beliefs. Logical / rational people do not allow their irrational beliefs (religion) to guide their policy making. Irrational people, the religious, actively try to force the rest of the world to follow their irrational beliefs.
If you don't see how that can be dangerous, consider that pre-marital sex used to get you killed by a mob chucking rocks.
Yeah... no. No one should be expected to let a group of people who believe they commit ritualistic cannibalism every week decide on law.
Like I said I am going to keep adding to this, and I will clean up the language, but it makes me furious to know that Christian "scholars" are trying to white wash history and make it look like Christianity is somehow responsible for technonological / scientific progress. It is absurd. Chrsitianity / Catholicism / Religion itself is almost always anathema towards scientific progress since science unveils the lies that are woven into every religion.
Resurrection - never happened.
Deities visiting the planet - never happened.
Miracles - never happened.
Religion being the moral backbone of society - laughably wrong
Now lets have a look at REAL things that REALLY happened and aren't weird masturbatory conjecture.
Galileo, the most famous example of a scientist put to death for arguing with the church
People that Christians burned because religion
Christians burning books, the epitome of destroying knowledge beyond just murdering people
Conservative Christians Deny Climate Change still
Or how about the super disturbing fact that the United States Supreme Courts constantly has to fight to keep idiotic religious rules from infecting our schools and government
Or how about the fact that God was added to the United States way after the fact, and we were intended to be a non-affiliated country
Modern Christian revisionists would have you believe the United States was founded as a Christian nation. No it was not by any mean. Let us prove this by looking at the Constitution:
ARTICLE VI
All Debts contracted and Engagements entered into, before the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be as valid against the United States under this Constitution, as under the Confederation.
This Constitution, and the Laws of the United States which shall be made in Pursuance thereof; and all Treaties made, or which shall be made, under the Authority of the United States, shall be the supreme Law of the Land; and the Judges in every State shall be bound thereby, any Thing in the Constitution or Laws of any state to the Contrary notwithstanding.
The Senators and Representatives before mentioned, and the Members of the several State Legislatures, and all executive and judicial Officers, both of the United States and of the several States, shall be bound by Oath or Affirmation, to support this Constitution; but no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.
Interesting that it is directly stated NO RELIGIOUS TEST SHALL EVER BE REQUIRED AS A QUALIFICATION TO ANY OFFICE OR PUBLIC TRUST.
So politicians campaigning based on their religious affiliation could actually be seen as a violation of the Constitution. Making religion a basis for election is contrary to the constitution.
The idea that the separation of Church and State was not intentional or was somehow added later is absurd. The first amendment was suggested in September 25, 1789 and ratified in December 15, 1791.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_amendments_to_the_United_States_Constitution
If you look at the "Christianity in the United States" Wiki page, you can see more of this revisionist bullshit.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_Christianity_in_the_United_States
Separation of church and state[edit]
In October 1801, members of the Danbury Baptists Associations wrote a letter to the new president-elect Thomas Jefferson. Baptists, being a minority in Connecticut, were still required to pay fees to support the Congregationalist majority. The Baptists found this intolerable. The Baptists, well aware of Jefferson's own unorthodox beliefs, sought him as an ally in making all religious expression a fundamental human right and not a matter of government largesse.
In his January 1, 1802 reply to the Danbury Baptist Association Jefferson summed up the First Amendment's original intent, and used for the first time anywhere a now-familiar phrase in today's political and judicial circles: the amendment established a "wall of separation between church and state." Largely unknown in its day, this phrase has since become a major Constitutional issue. The first time the U.S. Supreme Court cited that phrase from Jefferson was in 1878, 76 years later.
This is so obviously wrong given historical fact that I shouldn't have to spell it out for anyone. This is not just navel-gazing conjecture as there are now conservative Christians trying to actively change history. What a sad state the world is in (again).
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2020.08.31 05:05 thisisfromatilda I (21F) can’t get along with my bf’s friends?

Me and my bf were together for 3 years and then broke up in march and are recently dating again and hes sort of in a new friend group now. He was at this party with some of his friends and people he just met. I dont know any of them well, only talked to them like once or twice. He told me he talked to them about our sex life. Im very shy and I would not talk about this subject with anybody, not even MY closest friends. I feel sort of hurt and so embarrassed and now I kind of dont want to meet them again :/ I just have a hard time getting along with his friends cause theyre so extroverted and huge party animals (idk if this is just latin culture but i feel so out of place all the time and am just sitting somewhere in a corner while everybody talks in spanish and it is so awkward). What do I do? I feel like they just think I am so weird and now its much worse that they know about my kinks but literally know nothing else about me🤦‍♀️
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2020.08.29 18:05 HaulA29Augl Ne-w G-ay in Da-ting Generous

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2020.08.28 19:21 IdolA28Augl Profe-ssional G-ay On-line Da-ting Lo-ndon

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2020.08.24 15:27 dataiskings How to create the perfect Tinder profile

When Liam moved to Manchester from south Wales in 2017, he thought he was doing it for lasting love. Dating his girlfriend long distance for over a year, he found a job as a prison officer and moved north to be with her. But after a year he found himself single again and hasn’t managed to date anyone seriously since. He desperately wants a committed, long-term relationship, but is struggling to make it past consistent hook-ups.
When Holly’s relationship fell apart a few months ago, she left London after 13 years of living there, moving with her brand-new dachshund puppy to her hometown of Hastings. But trying to date other women in Hastings has proved less than fruitful.
Dan’s life in London has been pretty good. A graphic designer, just finishing his masters at UCL, he’s got most of it figured out. But at 29, he’s realised that the gay clubbing scene is making it more difficult to meet romantic partners with whom he really connects and is struggling to find someone to date for more than a couple months.
While all three of these people are in vastly situations, one thing unites them: they all absolutely despise their online dating profiles. From Tinder to Bumble to Her to Hinge, they feel cringed-out, awkward and unfulfilled by how they present themselves and feel their dating profile is holding them back.
This is a major problem for online daters. You can be charming, funny and genuinely interesting, but when it comes to writing a bio your mind can go blank. It’s hard to make profiles read the same (see: “I love gin!”, “My pet peeve is slow walkers”) and it’s hard to make your real self stand out. In the US, dating profile styling agencies are even starting to pop up, where people can pay to have this increasingly common dating problem professionally solved. But for those who don’t have hundreds to shell out on professionals, the question still persists: what do you need to do to make your dating profile better?
Liam, Dan and Holly have gotten this question answered. Working with three romantic professionals – a relationships therapist, a dating expert and a professional advertising creative – they have willingly handed over their profiles, histories, and insecurities to be molded into a more authentic version of themselves and get desperately needed news on how to make their dating profile dateable.
The datersLiam
The basics: 28 years old, Welsh, straight, prison officer. Describes himself as a regular guy, interested in sport, going out with his friends, spending time with his family and looking after his dog, Jasper.
Dating history: Has had three serious relationships and says that all of them petered out at the same time – around the two-year mark.
Dating profile description: Mostly selfies, mostly taken in dark rooms, one topless, mostly bordering on scary faces. Bio reads, “I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing / Beards make the world go round / Never watched Game Of Thrones, which is apparently a huge deal? / Welsh boy trespassing in the North, tryna not get kicked out after Brexit...”
Dating problems: Liam’s problem is two-fold. Although his job as a prisoner officer is interesting, it’s not something that defines him – however, it’s the only thing on dating apps that women seem to be interested in talking about. His second problem is that, when he does meet people, there’s miscommunication about what each other wants and he ends up thinking it’s becoming serious when all she wants is something casual.
Looking for: A serious relationship. “What’s the point in having fun if there’s nobody there when you have a rubbish day at work? Who’s there to share your good and bad days, your achievements? Who’s there to pick you up when you’re down? And, ideally, that’s what I’m after. Something real. Something proper.”
Holly
The basics: 31 years old, English, bisexual, working-from-home office manager, dachshund dog mum. Describes herself as multifaceted – funny, smart, well-read and interested in everything from politics to the Kardashians.
Dating history: Has had two serious relationships, one with a man and one with a woman, but is looking to just date women for the time being.
Dating profile description: Mostly close-up selfies, one picture with her dog. Bio reads, “Office manager by day, mum to a mini sausage all the time / Love long conversations, walks with the pup, binge watching Netflix, exploring bars and restaurants, blogging / Looking to meet someone to enjoy my next thing with!”
Dating problems: Holly has paralysis when it comes to talking about herself in a positive way and is terrified of coming off as boastful, cringey or cocky. “I’m down to earth, have a great personality, and I'm quite an all-rounded person. But explaining that to somebody in a few short sentences, to catch somebody's interest and not come off like an absolute knob, is really hard!”
Looking for: Nothing too serious, but someone to actually connect with.
Dan
The basics: 29 years old, half-English, half-Paraguayan, gay, graphic designer, master's student in urban studies. Describes himself as outgoing and adventurous and knows his own self-worth, but he’s growing increasingly tired of dating via the club scene.
Dating history: Has had three boyfriends, none lasting longer than nine months, and has only been on five or six “real dates” in his whole life.
Dating profile description: Mostly semi-ironic bad selfies, two topless, one picture of himself out cycling, one picture with a friend. Bio reads, “Happy, creative, driven, calm and introspective / Once had a full-blown 20-minute argument with Boris Johnson whilst cycling to work / I’m a student with a research interest in queer space, cycling and community-led projects / I’m also a graphic designer on the side. Sometimes an art school tutor. Sometimes a van man / Half-English, half-Paraguayan, born in Hastings / 5’10”.”
Dating problems: Dan is afraid that his profile isn’t drawing in the right person. He thinks he’s more interesting than his profile indicates and doesn’t convey his personality and, therefore, isn’t matching with guys he will actually connect with. He wants his profile to make him appear like someone dateable, not just someone to sleep with.
Looking for: Dating people who he might genuinely get on with, with the possibility for something more serious. “I would like to find guys who are suited to me. And by communicating what I am or who I am in a better way on my dating profile, I might attract the right kind of guys.”
The experts weigh inThe relationships therapist
Sally Baker is a relationships therapist who has appeared on the BBC, in the Observer and in New York Magazine. She says almost all daters do their dating profiles wrong: setting their own personal pitch to low.
“Online dating can be particularly challenging if the person writing their profile isn’t sure what they want for themselves,” Sally says. “Their ambivalence can make their profile read as wishy-washy or uninspiring. Profiles that are written without clarity usually mean you attract the kind of people that aren’t right for you either on a casual basis or for something more serious and long term.
“Of course, it's not about being egotistical or showing off either, as that’s just another kind of knob-head behaviour,” she adds. “It is, however, about describing yourself and what you want in a real, approachable way that would resonate with the right people for you.”
Sally takes all three daters through an exercise she does with all her clients, called “Perfect Day”, getting them to describe what their perfect day would look like, from the location to the activities to with whom that perfect day would ideally be spent. Sally encourages her clients to forget about realistic boundaries and to “dream big” about what their day would look like. “This is so if you only achieve half of what you want in your perfect day it will still be amazing,” she says.
Liam’s perfect day is actually pretty simple: nice meals, walking his dog, spending time with his family and skydiving for the first time. But despite his intense interest in being in a serious, romantic relationship, his day doesn’t mention a partner at all. Instead, it mentions dating as happening the night before and meeting potential prospects at random points between other activities.
“In reality, he seems very much of the casual dating mindset,” Sally says. “He is intrigued by seeing who catches his eye. For sure his day was bookended with the afterglow of a great date and included possibilities with a new woman he met. However, the women mentioned were peripheral to his main story.”
Sally believes that Liam needs to change up his dating profile and whole dating approach; to be less focused on finding a long-term commitment and shifting his profile to encourage something less intense. “I feel that the more comfortable he is taking his time and meeting a variety of partners without putting himself under any commitment pressures, the sooner he will gain clarity about what he needs for himself and bring his life into greater balance,” Sally argues. “When he has greater clarity, he'll find the right woman for him.”
Holly’s day, while similarly simple – nice meals, drinks and dinner with friends, trips to the beach, playing with the dog – lays out huge signposts for something more serious: a long-standing, committed relationship, emotional and physical intimacy and even mentions exploring parenthood at the end of the day.
“Holly is ready for the next stage of her life more than her profile alludes to,” Sally says. “She is ready to meet her significant other and embrace all the possibilities that could bring for her and her partner, including starting their own family.”
Sally believes that Holly’s profile could shout more about herself. “Her profile should show more about how she feels successful in many areas of her life and she can also rightly say how proud she is with the life she’s made for herself. From this place of feeling grounded and content in who she is, she recognises what's missing for her now is the love of her life and that’s who she’s looking for.”
Dan’s perfect day is the most elaborate: living in an apartment in Barcelona, cycling to a lake and going freshwater swimming, drinks with friends, a spontaneous trip out to a warehouse party and staying out until 8am. Sally believes that this excitement, colour and adventurousness should be relayed in Dan’s profile, which, at the moment, reads more like a CV.
“Specifying Latin heritage, or how much he enjoys the way of life in places like Barcelona, could be added to his profile,” Sally says. “I don’t know how Dan would feel about niching down his profile to say exactly what he wants – I think he should. Other people aren’t psychic so sometimes you need to put what you want out there in a straightforward way and see what happens.”
The dating expert
Dami Olonisakin, better known as Oloni, is a dating expert and sex blogger who has been consulting on relationships for the past ten years. She is known for her viral Twitter threads, in which she anonymously shares her readers’ wildest sex stories, as well as her podcast, Laid Bare, which has a listernership reaching the six-figure mark. She also has a dating show coming out with BBC Three at the end of this year called My Mates Are Bad Dates, in which she will consult terrible daters on how to do dating better.
“Whew, people are really bad at taking photos,” she tells me after looking at the three daters’ profiles. Liam, specifically, she thinks needs a major change-up. “There's been research that shows that dating profiles that usually do well are those who basically show off that they're either athletic or that they're into the gym or that they like to keep fit. So if he loves his sport, he needs photos of himself where he's at a match or something, to show that side of him... rather than the dark, gory photos that he's got and sharing that he's a prison officer.”
Oloni agrees that many of Liam’s dating app problems stem from him revealing his job title. “He needs to tone down what he does,” she says, “and when it comes to a job like that, it's not really something you should be screaming about on the internet anyway. Dating profiles are supposed to be fun and quirky, so he needs to show that he’s an outgoing person. It's not supposed to be taken too seriously and he needs to remember that.”
Alongside better pictures – “they all need better photos” – Oloni thinks that Holly is being way too vague in her profile. “She needs to show us a bit more of her personality,” she says. “If she’s well-rounded, if she’s multifaceted, she needs to show that.”
Oloni notes Holly’s apprehension about coming off arrogant or boastful and says that, while it’s entirely normal to hype yourself on your profile, there are some easy ways to signpost features of your personality without blatantly bragging about your best traits.
“If she wants to show us that she's smart, she can probably share that she's a ‘booklover’,” Oloni argues. “No different from someone who's sharing their love for the arts saying that they love going to the movies or that they watched 300 films. I think she just needs to find ways to get it across without saying, ‘I am funny ha ha ha.’ If you're funny, say something that you find hilarious. It can be one-liners, for example, that she feels comfortable expressing. Simply sharing a joke that's not OTT.”
When it comes to Dan’s profile issues, Oloni summarises quite succinctly: “This isn’t your Instagram bio, this is a dating profile.” Dan’s problem she argues, is that he simply lists basic biographical information about himself rather than revealing things about himself that show why he could be a good date – or even an interesting person to get to know.
“He needs to put a bit more effort into his dating profile and to switch things up,” she tells me. “Tell us something interesting about you. What's a fun fact about yourself? What are your interests? What are your hobbies? Put a bit more effort in and you can basically attract someone with the same hobbies or interests.”
“He needs to put more effort in with photos as well,” Oloni says. “He needs to take better photos, find photos of himself where he's gone on holiday. He needs to ask himself as well, if he saw his own dating profile, would he think that person is serious about dating? Not a commitment, but even just looking to date properly and seeing if it could go somewhere, or do they think that that person would just be down to fuck? What would he think? You know, you can tell when you look at a person's profile if they're quite serious or if they're looking to date or if they're just there for a hook-up. You can kind of get that. So he needs to ask himself what is this reflecting? And just give himself a total brand-new start.”
The advertiser
Charlie Palmer is a Planner at Uncommon – a creative agency in London that has worked with brands such as ITV, the World Wildlife Fund and YouTube. “A dating profile, like an advert, has a specific goal,” he tells me. “It has a specific behaviour it wants to promote. In this case, the goal is just to start a conversation. That’s the furthest the profile can get you – after that, your actual personality has to take over. The profile doesn’t get you a girlfriend, or even a date. There’s no point trying to say loads of different things in your Tinder bio.”
With that in mind, he says Liam has several major issues. “Liam needs to simplify that bio,” Charlie argues. “Communicating one thing well is better than communicating four things badly. People are looking through hundreds of profiles – they don’t care enough to read a list of stuff.
“The selfies are a problem on a few levels,” he also says. “Liam’s a very sociable guy, but his profile looks like he doesn’t have any mates to take photos of him. It looks like far too much effort has gone into taking selfies specifically to put on the profile, and, most importantly, a selfie taken in your bedroom is a conversational non-starter.”
Like the other professionals, Charlie argues that Holly needs to sell herself a bit more. “Holly’s profile feels a little like she’s trying to persuade people on the app that she’s good enough for them,” he says. “But she should try the opposite. You want people to be doubting whether they’re good enough for you.”
Charlie says that Holly needs to inject a bit more personality into her bio. “Her bio should be less like a shop window with a sale on and more like a club with a massive (but friendly) bouncer on the door. She should try baby steps to begin with, like, ‘If you don’t like dachshunds this isn’t going to work’ or ‘I have strong views on the Kardashians.’” He also thinks less staged, more candid pictures could go a long way. “Nobody likes an advert that feels like an advert. Everyone likes an advert that feels like an exclusive invitation.”
Dan’s profile, Charlie says, reads too much like a dispassionate list of his features. “Dan needs to show rather than tell,” he tells me. “On paper, it does the job, but he needs to think about his audience a bit more. The profile is designed to give an idea of what it’s like to hang out with you. It’s not a list of qualifications.”
He says that Dan’s pictures could do more to convey his personality too. “If he has photos of himself in context, he should use more of them,” Charlie argues. “He’s listed lots of attributes and interests in the bio that aren’t coming through in the pictures, and the vast majority of communication is visual. It’s particularly difficult to get an idea of what you’re like when you’ve got the same expression in every photo. Mix it up a bit for a more rounded profile.”
Finally, Charlie suggests Dan appeals to the emotional side of his personality to make his profile read less like a CV. “The best advertising is emotional not rational – focus on how you want your profile to feel, not just the things it describes. If you’re funny, be funny. If you’re charming, be charming. What you say or show matters less than how you say it or show it.”
In conclusion
Dating cannot be mastered with just a good profile, and a good profile doesn’t mean you’ve mastered a dating app. Without a decent opening line, an ability to converse like a normal human being and the grace to ask to meet someone IRL without sounding like a serial killer, daters will struggle to get anywhere online. But in order to get to any of those points, a good profile is a necessity, and for Liam, Dan and Holly, theirs can be dramatically – and expertly – improved. And while it may not guarantee that they’ll find the person of their dreams, it is a good, and perhaps the only, place to start. CLICK HERE TO SEE A VIDEO PRESENTATION
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2020.08.24 15:07 dataiskings How to create the perfect Tinder profile

When Liam moved to Manchester from south Wales in 2017, he thought he was doing it for lasting love. Dating his girlfriend long distance for over a year, he found a job as a prison officer and moved north to be with her. But after a year he found himself single again and hasn’t managed to date anyone seriously since. He desperately wants a committed, long-term relationship, but is struggling to make it past consistent hook-ups.
When Holly’s relationship fell apart a few months ago, she left London after 13 years of living there, moving with her brand-new dachshund puppy to her hometown of Hastings. But trying to date other women in Hastings has proved less than fruitful.
Dan’s life in London has been pretty good. A graphic designer, just finishing his masters at UCL, he’s got most of it figured out. But at 29, he’s realised that the gay clubbing scene is making it more difficult to meet romantic partners with whom he really connects and is struggling to find someone to date for more than a couple months.
While all three of these people are in vastly situations, one thing unites them: they all absolutely despise their online dating profiles. From Tinder to Bumble to Her to Hinge, they feel cringed-out, awkward and unfulfilled by how they present themselves and feel their dating profile is holding them back.
This is a major problem for online daters. You can be charming, funny and genuinely interesting, but when it comes to writing a bio your mind can go blank. It’s hard to make profiles read the same (see: “I love gin!”, “My pet peeve is slow walkers”) and it’s hard to make your real self stand out. In the US, dating profile styling agencies are even starting to pop up, where people can pay to have this increasingly common dating problem professionally solved. But for those who don’t have hundreds to shell out on professionals, the question still persists: what do you need to do to make your dating profile better?
Liam, Dan and Holly have gotten this question answered. Working with three romantic professionals – a relationships therapist, a dating expert and a professional advertising creative – they have willingly handed over their profiles, histories, and insecurities to be molded into a more authentic version of themselves and get desperately needed news on how to make their dating profile dateable.
The datersLiam
The basics: 28 years old, Welsh, straight, prison officer. Describes himself as a regular guy, interested in sport, going out with his friends, spending time with his family and looking after his dog, Jasper.
Dating history: Has had three serious relationships and says that all of them petered out at the same time – around the two-year mark.
Dating profile description: Mostly selfies, mostly taken in dark rooms, one topless, mostly bordering on scary faces. Bio reads, “I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing / Beards make the world go round / Never watched Game Of Thrones, which is apparently a huge deal? / Welsh boy trespassing in the North, tryna not get kicked out after Brexit...”
Dating problems: Liam’s problem is two-fold. Although his job as a prisoner officer is interesting, it’s not something that defines him – however, it’s the only thing on dating apps that women seem to be interested in talking about. His second problem is that, when he does meet people, there’s miscommunication about what each other wants and he ends up thinking it’s becoming serious when all she wants is something casual.
Looking for: A serious relationship. “What’s the point in having fun if there’s nobody there when you have a rubbish day at work? Who’s there to share your good and bad days, your achievements? Who’s there to pick you up when you’re down? And, ideally, that’s what I’m after. Something real. Something proper.”
Holly
The basics: 31 years old, English, bisexual, working-from-home office manager, dachshund dog mum. Describes herself as multifaceted – funny, smart, well-read and interested in everything from politics to the Kardashians.
Dating history: Has had two serious relationships, one with a man and one with a woman, but is looking to just date women for the time being.
Dating profile description: Mostly close-up selfies, one picture with her dog. Bio reads, “Office manager by day, mum to a mini sausage all the time / Love long conversations, walks with the pup, binge watching Netflix, exploring bars and restaurants, blogging / Looking to meet someone to enjoy my next thing with!”
Dating problems: Holly has paralysis when it comes to talking about herself in a positive way and is terrified of coming off as boastful, cringey or cocky. “I’m down to earth, have a great personality, and I'm quite an all-rounded person. But explaining that to somebody in a few short sentences, to catch somebody's interest and not come off like an absolute knob, is really hard!”
Looking for: Nothing too serious, but someone to actually connect with.
Dan
The basics: 29 years old, half-English, half-Paraguayan, gay, graphic designer, master's student in urban studies. Describes himself as outgoing and adventurous and knows his own self-worth, but he’s growing increasingly tired of dating via the club scene.
Dating history: Has had three boyfriends, none lasting longer than nine months, and has only been on five or six “real dates” in his whole life.
Dating profile description: Mostly semi-ironic bad selfies, two topless, one picture of himself out cycling, one picture with a friend. Bio reads, “Happy, creative, driven, calm and introspective / Once had a full-blown 20-minute argument with Boris Johnson whilst cycling to work / I’m a student with a research interest in queer space, cycling and community-led projects / I’m also a graphic designer on the side. Sometimes an art school tutor. Sometimes a van man / Half-English, half-Paraguayan, born in Hastings / 5’10”.”
Dating problems: Dan is afraid that his profile isn’t drawing in the right person. He thinks he’s more interesting than his profile indicates and doesn’t convey his personality and, therefore, isn’t matching with guys he will actually connect with. He wants his profile to make him appear like someone dateable, not just someone to sleep with.
Looking for: Dating people who he might genuinely get on with, with the possibility for something more serious. “I would like to find guys who are suited to me. And by communicating what I am or who I am in a better way on my dating profile, I might attract the right kind of guys.”
The experts weigh inThe relationships therapist
Sally Baker is a relationships therapist who has appeared on the BBC, in the Observer and in New York Magazine. She says almost all daters do their dating profiles wrong: setting their own personal pitch to low.
“Online dating can be particularly challenging if the person writing their profile isn’t sure what they want for themselves,” Sally says. “Their ambivalence can make their profile read as wishy-washy or uninspiring. Profiles that are written without clarity usually mean you attract the kind of people that aren’t right for you either on a casual basis or for something more serious and long term.
“Of course, it's not about being egotistical or showing off either, as that’s just another kind of knob-head behaviour,” she adds. “It is, however, about describing yourself and what you want in a real, approachable way that would resonate with the right people for you.”
Sally takes all three daters through an exercise she does with all her clients, called “Perfect Day”, getting them to describe what their perfect day would look like, from the location to the activities to with whom that perfect day would ideally be spent. Sally encourages her clients to forget about realistic boundaries and to “dream big” about what their day would look like. “This is so if you only achieve half of what you want in your perfect day it will still be amazing,” she says.
Liam’s perfect day is actually pretty simple: nice meals, walking his dog, spending time with his family and skydiving for the first time. But despite his intense interest in being in a serious, romantic relationship, his day doesn’t mention a partner at all. Instead, it mentions dating as happening the night before and meeting potential prospects at random points between other activities.
“In reality, he seems very much of the casual dating mindset,” Sally says. “He is intrigued by seeing who catches his eye. For sure his day was bookended with the afterglow of a great date and included possibilities with a new woman he met. However, the women mentioned were peripheral to his main story.”
Sally believes that Liam needs to change up his dating profile and whole dating approach; to be less focused on finding a long-term commitment and shifting his profile to encourage something less intense. “I feel that the more comfortable he is taking his time and meeting a variety of partners without putting himself under any commitment pressures, the sooner he will gain clarity about what he needs for himself and bring his life into greater balance,” Sally argues. “When he has greater clarity, he'll find the right woman for him.”
Holly’s day, while similarly simple – nice meals, drinks and dinner with friends, trips to the beach, playing with the dog – lays out huge signposts for something more serious: a long-standing, committed relationship, emotional and physical intimacy and even mentions exploring parenthood at the end of the day.
“Holly is ready for the next stage of her life more than her profile alludes to,” Sally says. “She is ready to meet her significant other and embrace all the possibilities that could bring for her and her partner, including starting their own family.”
Sally believes that Holly’s profile could shout more about herself. “Her profile should show more about how she feels successful in many areas of her life and she can also rightly say how proud she is with the life she’s made for herself. From this place of feeling grounded and content in who she is, she recognises what's missing for her now is the love of her life and that’s who she’s looking for.”
Dan’s perfect day is the most elaborate: living in an apartment in Barcelona, cycling to a lake and going freshwater swimming, drinks with friends, a spontaneous trip out to a warehouse party and staying out until 8am. Sally believes that this excitement, colour and adventurousness should be relayed in Dan’s profile, which, at the moment, reads more like a CV.
“Specifying Latin heritage, or how much he enjoys the way of life in places like Barcelona, could be added to his profile,” Sally says. “I don’t know how Dan would feel about niching down his profile to say exactly what he wants – I think he should. Other people aren’t psychic so sometimes you need to put what you want out there in a straightforward way and see what happens.”
The dating expert
Dami Olonisakin, better known as Oloni, is a dating expert and sex blogger who has been consulting on relationships for the past ten years. She is known for her viral Twitter threads, in which she anonymously shares her readers’ wildest sex stories, as well as her podcast, Laid Bare, which has a listernership reaching the six-figure mark. She also has a dating show coming out with BBC Three at the end of this year called My Mates Are Bad Dates, in which she will consult terrible daters on how to do dating better.
“Whew, people are really bad at taking photos,” she tells me after looking at the three daters’ profiles. Liam, specifically, she thinks needs a major change-up. “There's been research that shows that dating profiles that usually do well are those who basically show off that they're either athletic or that they're into the gym or that they like to keep fit. So if he loves his sport, he needs photos of himself where he's at a match or something, to show that side of him... rather than the dark, gory photos that he's got and sharing that he's a prison officer.”
Oloni agrees that many of Liam’s dating app problems stem from him revealing his job title. “He needs to tone down what he does,” she says, “and when it comes to a job like that, it's not really something you should be screaming about on the internet anyway. Dating profiles are supposed to be fun and quirky, so he needs to show that he’s an outgoing person. It's not supposed to be taken too seriously and he needs to remember that.”
Alongside better pictures – “they all need better photos” – Oloni thinks that Holly is being way too vague in her profile. “She needs to show us a bit more of her personality,” she says. “If she’s well-rounded, if she’s multifaceted, she needs to show that.”
Oloni notes Holly’s apprehension about coming off arrogant or boastful and says that, while it’s entirely normal to hype yourself on your profile, there are some easy ways to signpost features of your personality without blatantly bragging about your best traits.
“If she wants to show us that she's smart, she can probably share that she's a ‘booklover’,” Oloni argues. “No different from someone who's sharing their love for the arts saying that they love going to the movies or that they watched 300 films. I think she just needs to find ways to get it across without saying, ‘I am funny ha ha ha.’ If you're funny, say something that you find hilarious. It can be one-liners, for example, that she feels comfortable expressing. Simply sharing a joke that's not OTT.”
When it comes to Dan’s profile issues, Oloni summarises quite succinctly: “This isn’t your Instagram bio, this is a dating profile.” Dan’s problem she argues, is that he simply lists basic biographical information about himself rather than revealing things about himself that show why he could be a good date – or even an interesting person to get to know.
“He needs to put a bit more effort into his dating profile and to switch things up,” she tells me. “Tell us something interesting about you. What's a fun fact about yourself? What are your interests? What are your hobbies? Put a bit more effort in and you can basically attract someone with the same hobbies or interests.”
“He needs to put more effort in with photos as well,” Oloni says. “He needs to take better photos, find photos of himself where he's gone on holiday. He needs to ask himself as well, if he saw his own dating profile, would he think that person is serious about dating? Not a commitment, but even just looking to date properly and seeing if it could go somewhere, or do they think that that person would just be down to fuck? What would he think? You know, you can tell when you look at a person's profile if they're quite serious or if they're looking to date or if they're just there for a hook-up. You can kind of get that. So he needs to ask himself what is this reflecting? And just give himself a total brand-new start.”
The advertiser
Charlie Palmer is a Planner at Uncommon – a creative agency in London that has worked with brands such as ITV, the World Wildlife Fund and YouTube. “A dating profile, like an advert, has a specific goal,” he tells me. “It has a specific behaviour it wants to promote. In this case, the goal is just to start a conversation. That’s the furthest the profile can get you – after that, your actual personality has to take over. The profile doesn’t get you a girlfriend, or even a date. There’s no point trying to say loads of different things in your Tinder bio.”
With that in mind, he says Liam has several major issues. “Liam needs to simplify that bio,” Charlie argues. “Communicating one thing well is better than communicating four things badly. People are looking through hundreds of profiles – they don’t care enough to read a list of stuff.
“The selfies are a problem on a few levels,” he also says. “Liam’s a very sociable guy, but his profile looks like he doesn’t have any mates to take photos of him. It looks like far too much effort has gone into taking selfies specifically to put on the profile, and, most importantly, a selfie taken in your bedroom is a conversational non-starter.”
Like the other professionals, Charlie argues that Holly needs to sell herself a bit more. “Holly’s profile feels a little like she’s trying to persuade people on the app that she’s good enough for them,” he says. “But she should try the opposite. You want people to be doubting whether they’re good enough for you.”
Charlie says that Holly needs to inject a bit more personality into her bio. “Her bio should be less like a shop window with a sale on and more like a club with a massive (but friendly) bouncer on the door. She should try baby steps to begin with, like, ‘If you don’t like dachshunds this isn’t going to work’ or ‘I have strong views on the Kardashians.’” He also thinks less staged, more candid pictures could go a long way. “Nobody likes an advert that feels like an advert. Everyone likes an advert that feels like an exclusive invitation.”
Dan’s profile, Charlie says, reads too much like a dispassionate list of his features. “Dan needs to show rather than tell,” he tells me. “On paper, it does the job, but he needs to think about his audience a bit more. The profile is designed to give an idea of what it’s like to hang out with you. It’s not a list of qualifications.”
He says that Dan’s pictures could do more to convey his personality too. “If he has photos of himself in context, he should use more of them,” Charlie argues. “He’s listed lots of attributes and interests in the bio that aren’t coming through in the pictures, and the vast majority of communication is visual. It’s particularly difficult to get an idea of what you’re like when you’ve got the same expression in every photo. Mix it up a bit for a more rounded profile.”
Finally, Charlie suggests Dan appeals to the emotional side of his personality to make his profile read less like a CV. “The best advertising is emotional not rational – focus on how you want your profile to feel, not just the things it describes. If you’re funny, be funny. If you’re charming, be charming. What you say or show matters less than how you say it or show it.”
In conclusion
Dating cannot be mastered with just a good profile, and a good profile doesn’t mean you’ve mastered a dating app. Without a decent opening line, an ability to converse like a normal human being and the grace to ask to meet someone IRL without sounding like a serial killer, daters will struggle to get anywhere online. But in order to get to any of those points, a good profile is a necessity, and for Liam, Dan and Holly, theirs can be dramatically – and expertly – improved. And while it may not guarantee that they’ll find the person of their dreams, it is a good, and perhaps the only, place to start. CLICK HERE TO SEE A VIDEO PRESENTATION
submitted by dataiskings to love [link] [comments]


2020.08.23 18:03 MansA23Augl You-ng G-uy Ol-d L-ady Po-rn Re-stless

You-ng G-uy Ol-d L-ady Po-rn Re-stless
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https://preview.redd.it/ow21uobjzri51.jpg?width=300&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cecb0e8f05cd3365f464c8e52095117d629eaa41
submitted by MansA23Augl to u/MansA23Augl [link] [comments]


2020.08.23 07:11 cjmmoseley im heartbroken after my best friend has been telling people i made up my rape for attention

i met this girl just about a year ago when i changed schools for freshman year, and she quickly became one of my best friends. we'll call her elena.
IMPORTANT: ELENA DOES NOT KNOW I KNOW THIS AT THE MOMENT.
i go to a very small christian private school in the southern us (high school of 317, graduating class of 87). even though i am a left libertarian and attended public school for 10 years, i absolutely love it, and that's for the sole reason of the community. every student and teacher has a deep, personal connection with each other. long story short, everyone knows everyone, and everyone is friends with everyone.
last year, i was in first period latin with a kid named "john", with whom i had an odd relationship. at the root, we were friends and very close. he would KILL for me, and i wish i was joking about that. i told him (almost) everything, and in turn, he would tell me that he has a gun and he's not afraid to use it. he's the kind of guy who shows love and care through teasing, but would always sincerely apologize and NEVER repeat it if it went too far. we also had enough respect for each other to apologize. john is one of the best and truest friends ive ever had.
ive always noticed that i put in more effort than elena. shes the kind of person who will go and cry, rant, and expect you to be there for her, but be emotionless and short when you NEED her. but i never expected her to be as hateful as to say the things shes said.
long story short: so freshman year, elena and john had this weird thing where they obviously liked each other, but one would always turn other down when thy made a move but still HEAVILY flirted. this was elena at first (who turned john down) and then john decided he didn't want a relationship, but then when he grew up and then went after her, she decided he was "toxic" and GHOSTED HIM. right after flirting like no other. she even made up bullshit about her parents not liking him and her not being allowed to date.
today when talking to john, bc i only knew elenas side, he told me that he's upset that she made stuff up and talked crap about him, and suddenly said that shes been talking crap about me too. the shit she said was BEYOND petty, it was HATEFUL.
i believe him because ive seen her talk this way about other people, even her friends. i do not put being two-sided to her friends behind her.
*note: i am apparently NOT the only one she does this to*
john told me:
- elena would constantly "rant" to him about how annoying, clingy, and unsupportive i was and how much i needed to shut up in classes. he described it as being if i had minorly inconvienced her in some way, she would rant for like 45 minutes. a day. september 2019- may 2020.
- she then ranted over and over, time and time again how i was stealing all of her friends (there are 32 girls and 53 guys in our grade. bitch, what do you want from me???). john explained that he just thinks she complained because im one of those people who make friends very, very easily and she was jealous that i made friends with everyone in my grade (and others, i was very well acquainted with the senior class of 2020, along with some 2022 and '21) that took her years to be friends with. she has been going to our K-12 school since 3rd grade. as stated earlier, i started attending the school freshman year (i just started sophomore year on wednesday).
- elena told john that i was a "whore" for having CONSENSUAL SEX with my (now ex, but we ended on great terms) bf who (was) 2 years older than me (i was 14, he was 16, were now 15 and 17). and says that i only fuck around for older guys (as if i wasn't dating a guy in my grade a couple months earlier). she also decided that i wear "too much makeup" and that im probably trying to "hide something".
- she would also tell him how bad i was at math and how much better she was than me at singing/songwriting/etc. keep in mind that songwriting is the ONE THING that i am proud of myself for. in eighth grade, i wrote a personal song that i felt like had the power to change lives. i showed this song o all my friends, and showed it to my English teacher, where then we had the start of a great relationship (breakfast in the mornings, having her featured on the song, going over to her house to record, crying in her room more than an acceptable amount of times, etc.). i was obviously her favorite, and elena was jealous. she ranted to john about how she was obviously the better songwriter, but shed never get recognized because I was ms. "william"'s favorite student. however, i got recognition from my coworker and then started writing for their band, and have been making good money off of it. i am quite proud of where ive gotten, and it feels terrible to have my friend shit all over it.
here is the song, for context of the songwriting (THIS IS NOT FOR PROMO, BUT INSTEAD FOR AN IDEA OF HOW PERSONAL AND EMOTIONAL THE SONG IS TO ME. ITS RELEVANT IN THE NEXT PART) elena is the one belting at the chorus before the spoken word:
MeToo by cj johnson on Spotify
the worst part:
- and if spreading around my CONSENSUAL sex wasn't bad enough she told john about my extremely traumatizing and PRIVATE rape experience i had in august of 2018. i was 13 years old. as mentioned above, the song i released for my solo career was about my personal experience with sexual assault and rape. i have not publically come forward with my story/reported it, only my close friends, even telling people in my family that it was a song about sexual assault as a whole. elena was featured in the song as a backup singer. in march, after the song was recorded, she told john this about me:
"cj forced ms williams, priscilla, and i to sing this dumbass song about a 'rape' that didn't even happen. some guy just got drunk and fell on her, and she says that was rape. she made it all up for attention."
and continued to go on about how i made it all up. THIS WAS NOT THE FIRST TIME SHE BROUGHT UP THE RAPE. she had also brought it up around last october when john and i got in a political argument involving rape and i told him he needs to be more aware of who he's talking to. she told him that im pretending to be raped for attention. people like her are the reason i don't come forward.
of all the things listed above, elena has never said any of them in front of me, nor has jonah told me about them. he apologized over and over for not telling me earlier, and says that now he has no respect for her, and feels no obligation to protect her.
but though john can be a lot of things, he has not ONCE lied to me. and he is NOT a liar. i would swear on a bible for something john told me.
could someone please help out? shes in two of my classes, so i see her every day and i cant move any of my classes with her. i see her first thing monday.
this hurts because its not the first, and definitely won't be the last time something like this happens. people have taken advantage of me being nice (im a HUGE people pleaser, and am firm in the idea that being kind means sacrificing yourself for other people. this has not worked out, to say the least) and talked shit about me behind my back just to seem cool. just because they know they can walk over me all they want to get all their anger and frustration and ill just take it. this past year has been so terrible for me, from school, to family, to breakups, and just when i go back to school in person (no, i literally went back on Wednesday) i find out that -who i thought was- my best friend absolutely hates me. there's just been so much piling up and im at my breaking point. i literally cried most of the day at school yesterday because little things (being bad at geometry, my study-hall friend not being at school, not being able to hug people when im a physical-touch person) were setting me off. i CANNOT take anything else.
feel free to ask more for context :)
submitted by cjmmoseley to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.08.22 07:30 cjmmoseley i found out my best friend told people i made up my rape experience for attention

i met this girl just about a year ago when i changed schools for freshman year, and she quickly became one of my best friends. we'll call her elena.
IMPORTANT: ELENA DOES NOT KNOW I KNOW THIS AT THE MOMENT. AT THE TIME OF POSTING, IT IS FRIDAY NIGHT.
i go to a very small christian private school in the southern us (high school of 317, graduating class of 87). even though i am a left libertarian and attended public school for 10 years, i absolutely love it, and that's for the sole reason of the community. every student and teacher has a deep, personal connection with each other. long story short, everyone knows everyone, and everyone is friends with everyone.
last year, i was in first period latin with a kid named "john", with whom i had an odd relationship. at the root, we were friends and very close. he would KILL for me, and i wish i was joking about that. i told him (almost) everything, and in turn, he would tell me that he has a gun and he's not afraid to use it. he's the kind of guy who shows love and care through teasing, but would always sincerely apologize and NEVER repeat it if it went too far. we also had enough respect for each other to apologize. john is one of the best and truest friends ive ever had.
ive always noticed that i put in more effort than elena. shes the kind of person who will go and cry, rant, and expect you to be there for her, but be emotionless and short when you NEED her. but i never expected her to be as hateful as to say the things shes said.
long story short: so freshman year, elena and john had this weird thing where they obviously liked each other, but one would always turn other down when thy made a move but still HEAVILY flirted. this was elena at first (who turned john down) and then john decided he didn't want a relationship, but then when he grew up and then went after her, she decided he was "toxic" and GHOSTED HIM. right after flirting like no other. she even made up bullshit about her parents not liking him and her not being allowed to date.
today when talking to john, bc i only knew elenas side, he told me that he's upset that she made stuff up and talked crap about him, and suddenly said that shes been talking crap about me too. the shit she said was BEYOND petty, it was HATEFUL.
i believe him because ive seen her talk this way about other people, even her friends. i do not put being two-sided to her friends behind her.
*note: i am apparently NOT the only one she does this to*
john told me:
- elena would constantly "rant" to him about how annoying, clingy, and unsupportive i was and how much i needed to shut up in classes. he described it as being if i had minorly inconvienced her in some way, she would rant for like 45 minutes. a day. september 2019- may 2020.
- she then ranted over and over, time and time again how i was stealing all of her friends (there are 32 girls and 53 guys in our grade. bitch, what do you want from me???). john explained that he just thinks she complained because im one of those people who make friends very, very easily and she was jealous that i made friends with everyone in my grade (and others, i was very well acquainted with the senior class of 2020, along with some 2022 and '21) that took her years to be friends with. she has been going to our K-12 school since 3rd grade. as stated earlier, i started attending the school freshman year (i just started sophomore year on wednesday).
- elena told john that i was a "whore" for having CONSENSUAL SEX with my (now ex, but we ended on great terms) bf who (was) 2 years older than me (i was 14, he was 16, were now 15 and 17). and says that i only fuck around for older guys (as if i wasn't dating a guy in my grade a couple months earlier). she also decided that i wear "too much makeup" and that im probably trying to "hide something".
- she would also tell him how bad i was at math and how much better she was than me at singing/songwriting/etc. keep in mind that songwriting is the ONE THING that i am proud of myself for. in eighth grade, i wrote a personal song that i felt like had the power to change lives. i showed this song o all my friends, and showed it to my English teacher, where then we had the start of a great relationship (breakfast in the mornings, having her featured on the song, going over to her house to record, crying in her room more than an acceptable amount of times, etc.). i was obviously her favorite, and elena was jealous. she ranted to john about how she was obviously the better songwriter, but shed never get recognized because I was ms. "william"'s favorite student. however, i got recognition from my coworker and then started writing for their band, and have been making good money off of it. i am quite proud of where ive gotten, and it feels terrible to have my friend shit all over it.
here is the song, for context of the songwriting (THIS IS NOT FOR PROMO, BUT INSTEAD FOR AN IDEA OF HOW PERSONAL AND EMOTIONAL THE SONG IS TO ME. ITS RELEVANT IN THE NEXT PART) elena is the one belting at the chorus before the spoken word: https://open.spotify.com/artist/08A6BDi2awhmk1ZCxmcAIL
the worst part:
- and if spreading around my CONSENSUAL sex wasn't bad enough she told john about my extremely traumatizing and PRIVATE rape experience i had in august of 2018. i was 13 years old. as mentioned above, the song i released for my solo career was about my personal experience with sexual assault and rape. i have not publically come forward with my story/reported it, only my close friends, even telling people in my family that it was a song about sexual assault as a whole. elena was featured in the song as a backup singer. in march, after the song was recorded, she told john this about me:
"cj forced ms williams, priscilla, and i to sing this dumbass song about a 'rape' that didn't even happen. some guy just got drunk and fell on her, and she says that was rape. she made it all up for attention."
and continued to go on about how i made it all up. THIS WAS NOT THE FIRST TIME SHE BROUGHT UP THE RAPE. she had also brought it up around last october when john and i got in a political argument involving rape and i told him he needs to be more aware of who he's talking to. she told him that im pretending to be raped for attention. people like her are the reason i don't come forward.
of all the things listed above, elena has never said any of them in front of me, nor has jonah told me about them. he apologized over and over for not telling me earlier, and says that now he has no respect for her, and feels no obligation to protect her.
but though john can be a lot of things, he has not ONCE lied to me. and he is NOT a liar. i would swear on a bible for something john told me.
could someone please help out? shes in two of my classes, so i see her every day and i cant move any of my classes with her. i see her first thing monday.
this hurts because its not the first, and definitely won't be the last time something like this happens. people have taken advantage of me being nice (im a HUGE people pleaser, and am firm in the idea that being kind means sacrificing yourself for other people. this has not worked out, to say the least) and talked shit about me behind my back just to seem cool. just because they know they can walk over me all they want to get all their anger and frustration and ill just take it. this past year has been so terrible for me, from school, to family, to breakups, and just when i go back to school in person (no, i literally went back on Wednesday) i find out that -who i thought was- my best friend absolutely hates me. there's just been so much piling up and im at my breaking point. i literally cried most of the day at school yesterday because little things (being bad at geometry, my study-hall friend not being at school, not being able to hug people when im a physical-touch person) were setting me off. i CANNOT take anything else.
feel free to ask more for context :)
submitted by cjmmoseley to FriendshipAdvice [link] [comments]


2020.08.22 07:27 cjmmoseley my best friend has been telling people i made up my rape for attention

i met this girl just about a year ago when i changed schools for freshman year, and she quickly became one of my best friends. we'll call her elena.
IMPORTANT: ELENA DOES NOT KNOW I KNOW THIS AT THE MOMENT. AT THE TIME OF POSTING, IT IS FRIDAY NIGHT.
i go to a very small christian private school in the southern us (high school of 317, graduating class of 87). even though i am a left libertarian and attended public school for 10 years, i absolutely love it, and that's for the sole reason of the community. every student and teacher has a deep, personal connection with each other. long story short, everyone knows everyone, and everyone is friends with everyone.
last year, i was in first period latin with a kid named "john", with whom i had an odd relationship. at the root, we were friends and very close. he would KILL for me, and i wish i was joking about that. i told him (almost) everything, and in turn, he would tell me that he has a gun and he's not afraid to use it. he's the kind of guy who shows love and care through teasing, but would always sincerely apologize and NEVER repeat it if it went too far. we also had enough respect for each other to apologize. john is one of the best and truest friends ive ever had.
ive always noticed that i put in more effort than elena. shes the kind of person who will go and cry, rant, and expect you to be there for her, but be emotionless and short when you NEED her. but i never expected her to be as hateful as to say the things shes said.
long story short: so freshman year, elena and john had this weird thing where they obviously liked each other, but one would always turn other down when thy made a move but still HEAVILY flirted. this was elena at first (who turned john down) and then john decided he didn't want a relationship, but then when he grew up and then went after her, she decided he was "toxic" and GHOSTED HIM. right after flirting like no other. she even made up bullshit about her parents not liking him and her not being allowed to date.
today when talking to john, bc i only knew elenas side, he told me that he's upset that she made stuff up and talked crap about him, and suddenly said that shes been talking crap about me too. the shit she said was BEYOND petty, it was HATEFUL.
i believe him because ive seen her talk this way about other people, even her friends. i do not put being two-sided to her friends behind her.
*note: i am apparently NOT the only one she does this to*
john told me:
- elena would constantly "rant" to him about how annoying, clingy, and unsupportive i was and how much i needed to shut up in classes. he described it as being if i had minorly inconvienced her in some way, she would rant for like 45 minutes. a day. september 2019- may 2020.
- she then ranted over and over, time and time again how i was stealing all of her friends (there are 32 girls and 53 guys in our grade. bitch, what do you want from me???). john explained that he just thinks she complained because im one of those people who make friends very, very easily and she was jealous that i made friends with everyone in my grade (and others, i was very well acquainted with the senior class of 2020, along with some 2022 and '21) that took her years to be friends with. she has been going to our K-12 school since 3rd grade. as stated earlier, i started attending the school freshman year (i just started sophomore year on wednesday).
- elena told john that i was a "whore" for having CONSENSUAL SEX with my (now ex, but we ended on great terms) bf who (was) 2 years older than me (i was 14, he was 16, were now 15 and 17). and says that i only fuck around for older guys (as if i wasn't dating a guy in my grade a couple months earlier). she also decided that i wear "too much makeup" and that im probably trying to "hide something".
- she would also tell him how bad i was at math and how much better she was than me at singing/songwriting/etc. keep in mind that songwriting is the ONE THING that i am proud of myself for. in eighth grade, i wrote a personal song that i felt like had the power to change lives. i showed this song o all my friends, and showed it to my English teacher, where then we had the start of a great relationship (breakfast in the mornings, having her featured on the song, going over to her house to record, crying in her room more than an acceptable amount of times, etc.). i was obviously her favorite, and elena was jealous. she ranted to john about how she was obviously the better songwriter, but shed never get recognized because I was ms. "william"'s favorite student. however, i got recognition from my coworker and then started writing for their band, and have been making good money off of it. i am quite proud of where ive gotten, and it feels terrible to have my friend shit all over it.
here is the song, for context of the songwriting (THIS IS NOT FOR PROMO, BUT INSTEAD FOR AN IDEA OF HOW PERSONAL AND EMOTIONAL THE SONG IS TO ME. ITS RELEVANT IN THE NEXT PART) elena is the one belting at the chorus before the spoken word: https://open.spotify.com/artist/08A6BDi2awhmk1ZCxmcAIL
the worst part:
- and if spreading around my CONSENSUAL sex wasn't bad enough she told john about my extremely traumatizing and PRIVATE rape experience i had in august of 2018. i was 13 years old. as mentioned above, the song i released for my solo career was about my personal experience with sexual assault and rape. i have not publically come forward with my story/reported it, only my close friends, even telling people in my family that it was a song about sexual assault as a whole. elena was featured in the song as a backup singer. in march, after the song was recorded, she told john this about me:
"cj forced ms williams, priscilla, and i to sing this dumbass song about a 'rape' that didn't even happen. some guy just got drunk and fell on her, and she says that was rape. she made it all up for attention."
and continued to go on about how i made it all up. THIS WAS NOT THE FIRST TIME SHE BROUGHT UP THE RAPE. she had also brought it up around last october when john and i got in a political argument involving rape and i told him he needs to be more aware of who he's talking to. she told him that im pretending to be raped for attention. people like her are the reason i don't come forward.
of all the things listed above, elena has never said any of them in front of me, nor has jonah told me about them. he apologized over and over for not telling me earlier, and says that now he has no respect for her, and feels no obligation to protect her.
but though john can be a lot of things, he has not ONCE lied to me. and he is NOT a liar. i would swear on a bible for something john told me.
could someone please help out? shes in two of my classes, so i see her every day and i cant move any of my classes with her. i see her first thing monday.
this hurts because its not the first, and definitely won't be the last time something like this happens. people have taken advantage of me being nice (im a HUGE people pleaser, and am firm in the idea that being kind means sacrificing yourself for other people. this has not worked out, to say the least) and talked shit about me behind my back just to seem cool. just because they know they can walk over me all they want to get all their anger and frustration and ill just take it. this past year has been so terrible for me, from school, to family, to breakups, and just when i go back to school in person (no, i literally went back on Wednesday) i find out that -who i thought was- my best friend absolutely hates me. there's just been so much piling up and im at my breaking point. i literally cried most of the day at school yesterday because little things (being bad at geometry, my study-hall friend not being at school, not being able to hug people when im a physical-touch person) were setting me off. i CANNOT take anything else.
feel free to ask more for context :)
submitted by cjmmoseley to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.08.22 00:35 EmptinessWithin Our parents' values would be considered backwards in their home countries

Coming from an area where foreigners (South and southeast Asian, Middle Eastern, Africa, Latin America, Southern Europe) are the majority, I've got little bit of insight of life as an immigrant and some perspective on it. Besides being from Asia myself.
I've been seeing a recurring theme lately. When me and my acquaintances go to visit our countries, something hits the majority of them. Our uncles and aunts have a more liberal, more western approach regarding marriage, sex before marriage, gender roles, filial piety, women working and other issues where our culture broadly clashes with the Western society.
I think this has to do with the fact that they're tightly holding on with what they came with.
A great childhood friend of mine of Lebanese descent, Elias, told me that interreligious marriage would be a disaster at home. But in Lebanon, it's apparently more A-ok than in the heads of his parents.
Brian, from Tanzania, told me that it's OK for women to go for a "male" degree, while his sister is expected to become a nurse, kindergarten teacher or similar.
Hisham, from India, has some cousins who's married to Hindu woman. Now imagine the scandal if you as an Indian would bring home someone from another religion.
Aaliyah, Kurd, said that she's expected to go into a female dominated field and skip military service, which is obligatory. Her female cousins fought ISIS.
John, from China, said he's been discouraged from the dating scene so he can focus on school. Apparently, dating is very hot in China (I admit, I had the notion that China was an extremely conservative country).
All the names are made up. But their stories and descent are true. Do you have the same experience?
submitted by EmptinessWithin to AsianParentStories [link] [comments]


2020.08.19 01:31 Nav_Blue_Coolant Alternate ending for series

What would ur alternate ending for the show be?
Mine would be an alternate s4 where everyone gets arrested after Alex manages to spill the beans about Bryces murder, and Clay, Bryces's mom, Alex, Jess, Zach, Hannah's mom, Justin, Ani, Charlie, Monty, Tony, Tyler, Chloe, and Winston would go to jail, be killed in jail, or even kill themselves. Here's how my ending would be:
  1. Clay, after authorities find he's not the main suspect, isn't arrested. But he starts doing drugs with Justin, and in the end, he is arrested and goes to rehab along with him for a month or so. After they are released, they have mostly missed out on their college apps, and in order to make up for it, they start working at the Crestmont and manage to get into college late. They get jobs of electrical engineer and addiction counselor, get married and live separately: Clay moves to the UAE for engineering, while Justin moves to Alaska to help drug addicts
  2. Jess is arrested for being a murder accomplice and covers it up, and is sentenced to die per Cali law. However her parents seek her to get 1 year of probation due to her rape by Bryce. After her probation is done she enlists in the Air Force, and Chloe also joins too. They start becoming good friends again after so much shit and trauma, and get deployed at Lackland AFB in Texas
  3. Zach gets charged for assault and battery and receives 2 years in jail. During his stay he falls in love with one of the prisoners in secret and comes out gay. The other prisoners find out and they assault him and his lover, but they try defending themselves until Zach gets beheaded by a prisoner and his lover gets stabbed, sadly. His sister, May, goes on to Liberty with Estella, and they become good friends; they find out about Zach's role on the tapes, his friendship with Bryce, etc etc and his relationship with Hannah in s2. May and Estella begin dating and they come out as lesbians. (May's like 2 yrs younger than Estella so that's fine)
  4. Ani is arrested for perjury and her unknown crime history and is sentenced to 3-4 years in jail out of 8 years if she behaves well, and her record is sealed for good if she follows the order. After jail, she moves to Arizona, becomes a pornstar, gets married, and begins working part time at an ice cream place
  5. Charlie goes homeless after feeling ashamed for being friends with Monty following his sexual assault of Tyler. As a result he is unable to finish high school and apply/go to college. He later on tries to find jobs until he gets an offer to join the Marines, which he does proudly. He goes through basic training, becomes a commissioned officer, and leads his unit along with some other marines in North Korea in an attempt to depose Kim Jong Un, but is sent to a prison camp and dies with few members of his unit. His body is taken back to Crestmont, is given a funeral, and since he served in the Marines to fight against totalitarianism, Liberty High is renamed "Charlie St George High. He is buried at the spot where the Clubhouse is, and the Clubhouse is demolished in order to pave way for his grave.
  6. Alex, after confessing to his family about murdering Bryce is found guilty and is sentenced to death by lethal injection. His friends get so mad at the cops in court about this, they ask them but they can't release him due to the severity of the offense. His family feels sorry, and he gets taken to be injected and dies sadly with remorse. His dad gets fired and later starts working at Liberty as a teacher and later becomes the principal
  7. Bryce's mom moves to Oakland and is never remarried. However she gets into an affair with Ani's dad for few months until Ani finds out (not mentioned). She never ends up having kids because of condom use during their affair.
  8. Monty is arrested for raping Tyler and intimidating the witnesses during the trial. His parents and sister visit him and are mad at what he did except his dad being mad for his homosexuality. Monty goes to jail for 15 years and after his term he becomes homeless and becomes hated by his family, his high school, and the rest of society; only Estella tries to help him find a job and go to a sex-offender treatment program. He later shoots himself after all of his crimes and dies exactly at the spot where Bryce died (he drowns like Bryce)
  9. Hannah's mom gets remarried to a Mexican in NY state some time after losing Hannah. She later has 2 kids
  10. Tony starts drinking a lot, which causes him to lash out at others, sometimes at Clay, and joins the Latin Kings gang. He doesn't commit murders, but only drug trafficking, and is sentenced to 6-7 years in jail for his drunk assaults/gang activity. After his release he moves to Germany and becomes a model full time. He manages to get married with an Australian
  11. Tyler is questioned by the cops about his attempted shooting at Spring Fling and only gets 4-5 months of jail due to his rape trauma. After his release he moves to Australia, becomes an art photographer and gets married. The story of guns is never made public
  12. Winston is not arrested. After he graduates he enlists in the Army and is deployed in South Korea to assist Charlie and his Marines with regime change in North Korea.

This is inspired by a similar comment by a user called Raiseflag Surrender: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Swe85cj8ETQ
submitted by Nav_Blue_Coolant to 13ReasonsWhy [link] [comments]


2020.08.18 05:12 Newbielurker The "I'm being stalked by Stalker-cel Care package"

Hey-
If you are reading this, it is because a very sad individual has chosen to try and intimidate you. He goes by many names (because he gets his account suspended at a weekly or semi weekly basis) , but here’s a few things you should know about him.
WHO IS STALKER CEL?
HOW DID STALKER-CEL DEVELOP: * For a guy so quik to doxx, Stalker0cel is also really good at inadvertantly revealing things about his life story. * he has a very detailed childhood memory of his dogs erect penis * As a child he was constantly seen as quiet,lonely and shy. He sees the only alternative was being loud and abusive. * When he did talk to girls, he found them too quiet and would only talk about food, which he deemed stupid and not worth talking about. * He feels he peaked at age 12-13, and everything was downhill since then. * there have been rumours he has been institutionalised before, which he denies but does say he saw a therapist for breaking things when angry, which he thinks was the wrong thing to do. He has stated he saw a therapist for twenty years, finishing at age 26 but says it didn’t work because it didn’t get him a girlfriend, suggesting he was not looking to change his own behaviour or mental health * By the time he was in college he has implied he was aware there was something about him that ensured it was all over. * he has claimed he completed college with a Bachelor of Communications degree with honours, also studying philosophy. He has also stated that his degree is worthless and his entire education a waste of time. Considering the amount of time he puts into stalking it is highly unlikely he is using his degree or his alleged intelligence for any practical use. It is likely he chose a degree where employment outcomes are low. * He was given a lot of advantages in college, living in a situation where food, room, board, and computers were all freely given, and assumes everyone else had the same experience. * Despite these challenges, he has implied he struggled in college because while he performed well in school Chad suddenly outperformed him in College. He has blamed this on cheating rather than the reality that the academic requirements for University are much higher than a High School, or admit he had difficulty learning the latin names in anatomy. * During his college years he had a room mate who said he would try to get stalker-cel laid. His room mate did encourage and set up connections with girls, but the girls did not further engage in the conversation. He has not stopped to consider how he could have acted differently in this case. He said that no one talked in classes, but never actually started talking himself. * Despite by his own admission barely talking to girls, he is confident he knows how all girls are, and how they interact, because of his college experience, particularly his visits of strip clubs with his room mate and his friends. * He worked in his college mail room scanning packages, and it seems likely he did not talk about this job for long, maybe as little as for one day. However, it had a lasting memory on him, suggesting it may have been one of the few jobs he ever had and has the fact he did physical work as a point of pride. It is highly unlikely he has ever had long term paid employment, and has stated he had an eight year employment gap where he did no work at all, and since then had stopped trying to work. * He started focusing on IT members around a year ago, with his obsession growing as he felt he had an audience amongst other incels. Prior to this he was arguing with medical staff that hospice care is a lie for cancer patients. * his mum has told him doing this is a waste of time almost twenty years ago but he didn’t realise it. He gets angry when this is pointed out as he declares “my mum telling me I’m wasting my time online doesn’t mean she thinks I’m wasting my time online” * apparently his mum called me a cunt once. I doubt the veracity of that claim. His Mum also thinks he is good looking which makes him angry * He did have friends, but felt since they are all getting married now they don't want anything to do with him, with the exception of one alcoholic friends.
WHAT HE DOES

WHAT ARE HIS GOALS?

WHAT TO DO IF YOU ARE MESSAGED BY STALKER CEL

submitted by Newbielurker to IncelTear [link] [comments]


2020.08.13 09:29 saycheese11 How do I find a partner if as a mildly catholic individual

TLDR: I am a cradle catholic who has been finding it incredibly hard to date someone because I find I don’t really fit into the devout bucket and would not want to date someone outside of my faith.
While I regularly attend church and consider many of the churches teachings to be a good moral code, there are certain aspects that I do not necessarily 100% agree with. For example, I am not very convinced on using natural family planning instead of contraceptives as most women’s cycles are not uniform, I also don’t believe that masturbation in itself is bad and am of the view that it is probably better to do so than have sex before marriage or become severely repressed.
In addition, I don’t really have a strong grasp of the academic side of Catholicism as I don’t find it greatly resonates with me as much as say following the commandments do. That being said though, I highly respect people who can analyse the intellectual side of Catholicism.
I’ve recently entered the dating scene and have found two types of Catholics.
  1. The kind that are only Catholic on the census
  2. The other end of the scale, with people who want to listen to the mass in Latin, have an entire library of religious books, say multiple prayers during the day and staunchly believe in not using contraception (a decision that, in my opinion, should lie solely with women) and indulging in any form of self pleasure as having sex as a married couple for the fun of it even is “selfish”.
Am I alone in the middle-ish category? By middle category, I am referring to practicing Catholics who respect the faith but don’t believe in following every single line in the bible down to a “T”
If there are other people like me out there, how did you find your SO?
PS: If you happen to live in Sydney (Aus) and are in the same kind of bucket, would love to meet in person and hear your thoughts too!
Edit: For context - I’m a 22 yr old woman not a guy btw
submitted by saycheese11 to CatholicDating [link] [comments]


2020.08.12 00:55 bhambetty 2020 Best of r/Birmingham

Below are the results of the 2020 Best of Birmingham Guide! I am only listing the top three picks for all categories, for the sake of brevity, and some categories may have fewer than three top picks due to lack of consensus in voting. You can see a list of all responses here.
Thanks to all who voted. If you didn’t get a chance to submit your picks, drop a note in the comments. I plan to do this every year.
Get yer scrolling finger ready!

Food and Drink

Best Fine Dining Restaurant
  1. Highlands Bar & Grill - 45%
  2. Automatic Seafood and Oysters - 11%
  3. (Tie) Café Dupont & Chez Fonfon - 9%
Best Casual Restaurant (overall)
  1. Rojo - 10%
  2. Trattoria Zaza - 9%
  3. (Tie) Back Forty Beer Company, El Barrio, & Paramount - 7%
Best Mexican/Tex-Mex/Latin American Restaurant
  1. El Barrio - 34%
  2. Los Amigos - 11%
  3. Rojo - 8%
Best Tacos
  1. Dos Hermanos - 43%
  2. Taco Morro Loco - 18%
  3. Gordo's - 11%
Best Italian Restaurant
  1. Gianmarco's - 48%
  2. Giuseppe's Café - 21%
  3. Bettola - 8%
Best Pizza
  1. Post Office Pies - 27%
  2. Slice - 20%
  3. (Tie) Davenport’s Pizza Palace & Trattoria Zaza - 8%
Best Chinese Restaurant
  1. Red Pearl - 33%
  2. Mr. Chen's - 24%
  3. New China Town - 11%
Best Japanese Restaurant
  1. Ikko - 18%
  2. Shu Shop - 13%
  3. (Tie) Bamboo on 2nd, Kobe, & Sushi Village - 11%
Best Thai Restaurant
  1. Blue Pacific - 45%
  2. Surin - 25%
  3. Yum Yai - 13%
Best Indian Restaurant
  1. Taj India - 38%
  2. Bay Leaf - 29%
  3. Silver Coin - 22%
Best Asian (other) Restaurant
  1. Bamboo on 2nd - 17%
  2. Phở Quê Hương - 11%
  3. (Tie) Saigon Noodle House, Shu Shop, & Yummefy - 8%
Best Mediterranean/Middle Eastern Restaurant
  1. Makarios - 32%
  2. Falafel Café - 23%
  3. (Tie) Pita Stop & The Purple Onion - 9%
Best American Style Restaurant
  1. Jack Brown's Beer and Burger Joint - 14%
  2. (Tie) Johnny's, Niki's West, & Yo’ Mama's - 9%
  3. Paramount - 6%
Best Ethnic Restaurant Not Categorized Above
  1. Tropicaleo - 29%
  2. Red Sea Ethiopian and Mediterranean - 19%
  3. Miami Fusion Café - 10%
Best Vegetarian/Vegan Options
  1. Tropicaleo - 24%
  2. Golden Temple - 21%
  3. Shu Shop - 7%
Best BBQ Restaurant
  1. Saw's - 62% (Y’all were split on which location is best)
  2. Rodney Scott’s BBQ - 11%
  3. (Tie) Full Moon Bar-B-Que & Rusty's Bar-B-Q - 6%
Best Food Truck
  1. Eugene's Hot Chicken - 28%
  2. Dos Hermanos - 23%
  3. (Tie) Paradise Chow & Shindigs - 7%
Best Wings
  1. Saw's - 24%
  2. Moe's Original BBQ - 17%
  3. Paramount - 14%
Best Hot Dog
  1. Gus's Hot Dogs - 60%
  2. Sneaky Pete’s - 12%
  3. Paramount - 8%
Best Bakery
  1. Birmingham Breadworks - 24%
  2. Continental Bakery - 20%
  3. Edgar's Bakery - 16%
Best Ice Cream
  1. Big Spoon Creamery - 62%
  2. Jeni's Splendid Ice Creams - 21%
  3. Mountain Brook Creamery - 8%
Best Pie (Dessert)
  1. Johnny Ray’s BBQ - 17%
  2. (Tie) Niki's West & The Bright Star - 11%
Best Coffee Shop
  1. Red Cat Coffee House - 25%
  2. Church Street Coffee & Books - 16%
  3. (Tie) Domestique, Filter Coffee Parlor, O'Henry's, & Seeds Coffee Co. - 10%
Best Brunch
  1. Trattoria Zaza - 17%
  2. Big Bad Breakfast - 15%
  3. (Tie) El Barrio & First Watch - 9%
Best Late Night Eats
  1. Al's Deli & Grill - 32%
  2. Marty’s PM - 19%
  3. Shu Shop - 14%
Best Burger
  1. Jack Brown's Beer & Burger Joint - 30%
  2. Chez Fonfon - 18%
  3. Back Forty Beer Company - 12%
Best Pub Grub
  1. Carrigan's Public House - 19%
  2. (Tie) Back Forty Beer Company, Black Market Bar, & Paramount - 11%
  3. Marty's GM - 8%
Best Seafood
  1. Automatic Seafood and Oysters - 51%
  2. The Fish Market - 14%
  3. Ocean - 11%
Best Steak
  1. Perry's Steakhouse & Grille - 26%
  2. (Tie) Bellini's Ristorante & The Bright Star - 9%
Best Hole in the Wall Restaurant
  1. Blue Pacific - 11%
  2. Giuseppe's Café - 10%
  3. Delta Blues Hot Tamales - 7%
Best Caterer
  1. Savoie - 17%
Best Restaurant or Food Not Categorized Above
  1. Eugene's Hot Chicken - 19%
  2. Chez Fonfon - 14%
  3. Niki’s West - 10%
Best Local Dish (Overall)
  1. Saw's Juke Joint Pork & Greens - 33%
Best Brewery
  1. TrimTab Brewing Company - 52%
  2. (Tie) Back Forty Beer Company & Good People Brewing Company - 15%
  3. Cahaba Brewing Company - 7%
Best Cocktail Bar
  1. The Collins Bar - 30%
  2. The Atomic Lounge - 26%
  3. Queen's Park - 20%
Best Pub
  1. Dave's Pub - 36%
  2. Carrigan's Public House - 16%
Best Dive Bar
  1. Marty's - 23%
  2. The Nick - 17%
  3. Upside Down Plaza - 14%
Best Wine Bar
  1. Freddy's Wine Bar - 50%
  2. Golden Age Wine - 22%
Best Sports Bar
  1. (Tie) Buffalo Wild Wings & Paramount - 20%
Best Bar for College Students
  1. Innisfree Irish Pub - 35%
  2. SideBar - 20%
  3. Black Market Bar - 10%
Best Liquor Store
  1. ABC (State-run liquor stores) - 58%
  2. Highland Package - 19%
  3. LeNell’s Beverage Boutique - 15%
Best Local Beer
  1. TrimTab – Any - 21%
  2. TrimTab Paradise Now - 19%
  3. (Tie) Ghost Train – Any, Good People Muchacho, & Good People Snake Handler - 6%
Best Local Signature Cocktail
  1. Sex Panther at The Atomic Lounge - 36%
  2. Anything at Queens Park - 21%

Services

Best Men's Haircut/Barber
  1. Single Barrel Barbershop - 27%
  2. (Tie) Suaze at Birmingham Classic Cuts, Newman at Birmingham Classic Cuts, & Salon U - 13%
Best Women's Haircut/Color
  1. Wheelhouse Salon - 19%
  2. (Tie) Beauty Shock, The Collective, Hairfolk, & Salon U - 10%
Best Tattoo Artist
  1. (Tie) Amber at Sanctum, Shane at Nonstop, & Sean at Nonstop - 13%
Best Gym or Fitness Center
  1. YMCA - 20%
  2. UAB Rec Center - 15%
Best Veterinarian
  1. Avondale Animal Hospital - 24%
  2. Riverview Animal Clinic - 14%
  3. (Tie) Cat Haven & Eastwood Animal Clinic - 10%
Best Realtor
  1. David Spurling - 14%
Best Auto Mechanic
  1. Green Garage - 50%
  2. Element Garage - 15%

Things to Do

Best First Date (restaurant, venue, or activity)
  1. (Tie) Bamboo on 2nd, Barons game, Saturn, & Vulcan - 8%
Best Casual Date
  1. (Tie) Birmingham Barons game & The Garage - 10%
Best Anniversary/Birthday Date
  1. Highlands Bar & Grill - 17%
  2. Bottega Café - 10%
Best Place to Meet Local Singles
  1. Birmingham GO Kickball - 27%
  2. Dating App/Online - 18%
Best Girls' Night Out
  1. Queen's Park - 27%
Best Guys' Night Out
  1. (Tie) Civil Axe Throwing & Topgolf - 13%
Best Thing to Do With a Group of Friends
  1. Brewery Tour - 15%
  2. (Tie) Birmingham Barons game & Pedal tour - 10%
Best Non-Alcoholic/All Ages Activity
  1. Birmingham Barons game - 19%
  2. (Tie) Railroad Park, Red Mountain Park, & Topgolf - 11%
  3. (Tie) Birmingham Botanical Gardens & Ruffner Mountain - 7%
Best Thing to do With Kids
  1. McWane Science Center - 33%
  2. Birmingham Zoo - 13%
  3. (Tie) Hike at a local park & Railroad Park - 8%
Best Place to Make New Friends
  1. (Tie) At a bar & Birmingham GO Kickball - 15%
Best Party (Non-Wedding) Venue
  1. (Tie) Avondale Event Room, Haven, & Iron City - 20%
Best View of the City
  1. Vulcan 58%
  2. The Club - 10%
Best Hiking
  1. Ruffner Mountain - 50%
  2. Red Mountain - 26%
  3. Oak Mountain - 22%
Best Swimming
  1. Oak Mountain Lake - 50%
  2. Cahaba River - 20%
Best Museum
  1. Birmingham Museum of Art - 58%
  2. Birmingham Civil Rights Institute - 25%
  3. McWane Science Center - 8%
Best Park
  1. Railroad Park - 64%
Best Place for Dogs
  1. Red Mountain Park - 50%
  2. George Ward Park - 17%
Best Quiet Study Spot
  1. (Tie) Church Street Coffee and Books & Hoover Public Library - 13%
Best Farmer's Market
  1. The Market at Pepper Place - 81%
  2. Alabama Farmer’s Market - 9%
  3. Birdsong Market - 6%

Things to Know

Birmingham's Best Kept Secret
  1. The Garage - 20%
  2. (Tie) Blue Pacific & Jim Reed Books - 10%
Best Tourist Attraction
  1. Vulcan - 55%
  2. Birmingham Civil Rights Institute - 23%
  3. Sloss Furnaces - 9%
Best Music Venue
  1. (Tie) Iron City & Saturn - 42%
  2. Avondale Brewing Company - 5%
Best Local Band
  1. St. Paul and the Broken Bones - 18%
  2. (Tie) Manic Vision & The Brook and the Bluff - 9%
Best Bookstore
  1. Thank You Books - 55%
  2. Jim Reed Books - 20%
  3. Little Professor Bookshop - 15%
Best Locally Owned Store (Overall)
  1. (Tie) Birmingham Oddities, Dreamers Supply Co., Thank You Books, & Yellowhammer Creative - 10%
Best Place to Buy Local Gifts
  1. Yellowhammer Creative - 32%
  2. Alabama Goods - 21%
  3. (Tie) Ore Mercantile & Pizitz - 11%
Best Neighborhood for Young Adults
  1. Crestwood - 30%
  2. Highland Park - 28%
  3. Avondale) - 10%
Best Neighborhood for Families
  1. Homewood - 38%
  2. (Tie) Forest Park & Mountain Brook - 12%
  3. Crestwood - 9%
Worst Landlord/Leasing Agency (Ya’ll couldn’t come to an agreement on the Best)
  1. H2 - 33%
  2. Highland Historic Properties - 25%
  3. (Tie) Fred Nassar & Southside Apartment Company - 17%
Best Place to Volunteer
  1. Greater Birmingham Humane Society - 40%
  2. (Tie) Alabama Wildlife Center & GoBabyGoBHM - 13%
Best Place to Work
  1. UAB - 64%
Best Elementary/Middle School
  1. (Tie) Bluff Park & Crestline - 29%
Best High School
  1. (Tie) Homewood & Ramsay - 22%
Best Source for Local News
  1. Al.com - 35%
  2. WBHM - 24%
  3. Birmingham - 18% (we did it, reddit?)

Fun Facts

What is the Best Thing About Birmingham?
  1. Food/Beer - 41%
  2. Big city feel, little city charm - 28%
  3. Friendly people - 21%
What is the Worst Thing About Birmingham?
  1. Traffic - 20%
  2. Racism/Segregation - 14%
  3. Politics - 11%
Best Location for a Day Trip or Short Vacation
  1. (Tie) Cheaha, Gulf Coast, Lake Guntersville, Lake Martin, Mentone, & Oak Mountain - 8%
Best Local Instagram Account
  1. @InstagramBham - 38%
  2. @bhamnow - 31%
Best Local Celebrity
  1. Randall Woodfin - 24%
  2. Roy Wood Jr. - 19%
  3. (Tie) Charles Barkley & James Spann - 10%
Worst Local Celebrity
  1. Taylor Hicks - 32%
  2. Alexander Shunarrah - 16%
  3. (Tie) James Spann & Rick and Bubba - 11%
What is Something Birmingham is Best Known For?
  1. Civil Rights - 32%
  2. Food - 27%
  3. Racism - 9%
I Just Saw a Bunch of Police Cars Racing By. What's Going On?
  1. Shooting - 28%
  2. Testing fire trucks and ambulances - 8%
  3. (Tie) Hero Doughnuts just opened a new location & Hoover PD ruining someone's day – 6%
submitted by bhambetty to Birmingham [link] [comments]


2020.08.11 01:34 Frommisuwithlove I have trouble connecting with my family and I'm so lost with whether in the future to keep contact with them.

Hi reddit,
This is going to be a long post so I'll try my best to explain. I guess first off let me start off with my family. I have one older sister who we'll call Katie (31F), an older brother we'll call Avery (32F) and a younger brother called Jasper (19M) and my mom (57 F) and dad (70 M).
I have an especially bad relationship with Katie (because I feel she's judgemental and calls people losers, thinks people who have premarital sex are sleazeballs etc etc)
Just for reference my family has always been pretty conservative and catholic. For instance my immediate family always attends the pro life walks up in SF. I have personally attended around 7+ chastity talks and I've even been in a chastity girl's group. I went to a really really small Catholic high school (SJ). (As in they prayed the "our father" in Latin, every Friday we'd have mass, once a month we'd have Latin Mass, they only chose boys to be altar servers, one day we took a couple of hours out of the school day to pray in front of an abortion clinic. We would say prayer before tests or before the school day started and before the school day ended.) Another thing is family is a core tenant to my immediate and extended family. As in HUGE.
I had problems being close with my immediate or extended family because they like Katie so I have a hard time with that.
When I was in high school I tried my hardest to believe in the Catholic faith even though I felt this "dark" (aka what I later found out was depression) feeling inside me and this guilt (sexual thoughts and smutty romance novels).
Even when I was younger I always felt a little different from my family but I couldn't explain why. When my sister would say stuff to me I would tell my mom that I hated Katie but my mom would say "that's not very Catholic of you. God calls us to love everyone"
When I was 19 I had my first boyfriend. He was not a nice person and took advantage of my naivety. As in he told me to sneak out of my house at midnight to meet up with him, refused to meet up during the day, smoked a ton of weed, told me about girls who wanted to sleep with him and that I was lucky to have him. He told me he loved me but never responded to my messages. When I gave my first bj he held my head down as he came and I was forced to swallow. One point I said I didn't want sex and he basically won out because he wouldn't get off me and kept going. He would accuse me of getting yeast infection treatment on purpose so we wouldn't have sex. He refused to use condoms even though I wasn't on the pill. Just bad. The only good that came out of it was I felt sexual freedom from being depressed all the time even though I still had immense Catholic guilt.
One day when I was sneaking out I got into a car accident and when I called him my boyfriend told me he was going to sleep. So I had to call my parents. Obviously they were not happy and this incident lose trust in me. I had no idea at the time but I was going through a bipolar episode. But our relationship progressively got worse.
I just felt like they didn't understand me. Something that made me lose trust in my parents even before the bad boyfriend was Katie. As I stated before I didnt and still don't have a good relationship with her. She would lash out and make me cry and she's very harsh and type A. When Katie would say something hurtful my mom would never come to my aid. No one would come to my aid. Katie is harsh to everyone but it hurt that my mom who I trusted would just let it happen.
So after the car accident my family and my relationship deteriorated further. I would try to explain how I felt (such as when they were being rigid and didn't try to understand my mental illness) they would say "I understand but we're right and obviously you're wrong" (paraphrasing). I slept over at guys' houses to get away from my parents and family and my mom told me every time I didn't answer the phone she would take money out of my bank account. So when I stayed over at a guy's house she would call me 20 times. It emptied my whole bank account. I also had to sign my name on an agreement that if I got caught sneaking out I would be kicked out from the house.
I felt so unhappy because I knew they weren't being physically abusive or even verbally or emotionally abusive but I felt horrible. I started cutting and everything.
Even through this I made my first best friend Trev. Trev was the first one who told me my problems mattered because I mattered. And that I was right to feel hurt by it. I even stayed at his house a couple of times. And then he committed suicide.
I went on a downward spiral after that. My parents forced me to go to therapy after they found a knife in my room. My dad even sent a letter to the therapist saying that something was wrong with me and they wanted me to get better. Another important note is I'm with my wonderful (current) boyfriend Jay who has helped me through and has been totally supportive.
Essentially I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and put on meds. Everything got better and I thought it was just my bipolar. Especially because my mom would always say that. My sister is still very harsh and judgemental and when she's lash out I get very hurt and sensitive. I finally took my mom on a walk and told her that my sister was harsh and rude and that my mom needed to talk to her and tell her that she was in the wrong... My mother said "you're delusional. I don't side with her. It's your bipolar."
Katie for information has trashed Avery's room when he took her car against her will, and literally yesterday she went on this huge tirade against my dad because there was a misunderstanding about what should happen to her boxes in the garage.
I lost my Catholic faith because of how I felt it was used by my mom to guilt me and control me (especially when it came to Katie)
To talk about my other siblings.. everyone else in my immediate family is super Catholic. Jasper is going to a small Catholic college too.
Another thing that caused me to hurt was when I in a roundabout way told my mom that I had been taken advantage of by my first boyfriend. And she didn't say anything.
when I told Avery about this girl who got molested who (my classmate at SJ - 15 yo F/30 yo M) because she had met someone online my brother said "I know it's the guys fault but she has to take some responsibility for putting herself out there"
Needless to say I have fully lost faith in my family. I love them so much but I don't know. So I started to close off my heart from them even though I still live with them. Recently Jasper's birthday came and passed. And I didn't want to attend and when I didn't want to attend, Jasper got mad and said, "you never go to family events anymore. You don't talk to us anymore. You don't watch stuff with us anymore. Family is everything and is the only thing that will stay with you."
For my mom's birthday I felt invisible when I went to the zoo with everyone. I just felt like no one noticed me and I also don't feel like I can talk about anything with them. When signing my mom's card Katie looked at it and said, "you should put more. Mom does so much for you".
So I have told my mom that I'm agnostic and no longer Catholic. And she said "you'll have to face god when you die". But it also meant she acknowledged it. I have also kind of alluded to the fact that I was thinking about marrying my boyfriend Jay (who happens to be Muslim). About 2-3 weeks ago as I was telling her what my conservative friend's father told me - you shouldn't date someone from a different religion - my mom said "well you're not super Catholic so it works out.
Fast forward to last night. Everyone is eating dinner and everyone's home cuz covid. I was telling he about my conservative friend R. R is moving to Virginia and apparently she's moving to an ultra Catholic neighborhood. My mom said "if R finds a nice young man (it's a given he's going to be super Catholic and conservative) and he has any friends tell her to contact me". I asked why and if it was for katie. My mom said "nope for you" and I told her if it was a joke it wasn't funny and my mom said that she wasn't joking. I reminded her that I was dating Jay and she said "so what? He's not Catholic" I was so shocked I just didn't say anything. Then Katie chimed in and said "if you didn't come from a rich family would Jay even like you?"
Jay has never been anything but supportive and he even goes out of his way to pay since he doesn't want people thinking that.
The rest of my family said nothing because I know they agreed. They all share that view.
I don't know reddit. When the time comes and I leave the house I don't know if I should cut them off. If I do I'll always be the problem child and the black sheep. I'll be framed as the bad messed up one who couldn't handle their loving and supportive family. Again they don't beat me and they're not verbally abusive they take care of my basic needs and don't charge me rent. They give me a present on my birthday. I'm so confused and lost. If you got this far thank you so much for hearing me out.
Tldr: incidents have happened and I don't know if I gel with my family. I don't know if eventually I should cut them off.
submitted by Frommisuwithlove to offmychest [link] [comments]


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